It's About Time

Christmas 2022

Luehrs Family

This past year has been filled with many planned activities and some of them were a surprise. Once again our family walked the road of a cancer diagnosis. The waiting, hoping, and praying through the facts and feelings of the weight of cancer is hard to describe. We are so grateful for our family and friends that supported us with prayers, food, and donations. We were determined to not let doctor appointments, surgeries, and cancer treatments hinder our summer plans for baseball. Both Dustin (17, Junior in HS), and Zac (9, Third Grade) played travel baseball this summer. It was a blast getting to watch them play, make new friends, and improve their skills. We traveled to five states including Missouri, Kansas, Arkansas, and Texas. Lots of time in the truck driving! You can’t put a price tag on time spent together as a family doing something everyone loves.  

Daniel spends most of his time working on our cattle ranch at home. He has a great group of guys at church that he teaches for Sunday School. The vet clinic work is seasonal and flexible. He enjoys helping the boys with their baseball activities and is thankful his schedule allows him to attend. 

Anna is in her second year of teaching eighth-grade science at Liberty Middle School. Anna’s Mom (Janis) was able to come to Missouri this summer for a visit. Anna is recovering well from multiple surgeries this past year for breast cancer. Her energy and health are looking bright for the upcoming year. She hopes to return to coaching basketball soon.

Dustin is enjoying his Junior year taking VO TECH auto mechanic class. This past summer Dustin worked as a lifeguard at the Willow Springs City Pool. He enjoys woodworking, playing video games, and of course baseball. He is working hard at perfecting his pitching. 

Zac is in third grade and loves everything about baseball. His favorite player is Julio Rodriguez from the Seattle Mariners. Zac plays any position, but especially likes outfield, pitcher, and catcher. Always full of energy and very competitive no matter the activity. His 9U baseball team won 2nd place in the MO State World Series.

In life, we don’t have control over how long we get to live. We are given today, maybe tomorrow. We are told to not worry. It seems that this past year has caused us to treasure the time, make the most of every opportunity, and be thankful. Our hearts are full of gratitude to God our Father who gives us time. May we continue to keep Him first every day. The greatest gift of all TIME came in the form of a baby, wrapped in swaddling cloth, laid in a manger. Christmas is a great reminder to each of us to spend time with those we love and to remember the ones who have gone home to heaven. May you be blessed this season, spend time with family and friends, and thank God for the time.

“So teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things.” Matthew 6:33-34

Scan to listen to a song by Kevin Quinn, It’s About Time: http://bit.ly/3WeK11Y

LYRICS

What you're breathin' for?
What's your bettin' all your seconds on?
What you're gonna wish
That you could undo when it's all said and done?
Waste tick-tocks on the clock
Are you gonna wound back when it stops?

Yeah, we here right now (right now)
But we're never gonna be gone
Yeah, life's too short
To live like it's gonna be long

It's about time and how we spend it
Every hour, every minute
It's about knowing that we're chasing
All the beautiful things that make it
Worth the ride
To the other side

It's about time we started livin'
Like tomorrow ain't ever a given
Every moment is a surrender
To the One who holds forever
Starting now
What it's all about
Yeah, it's about time

It's not about us
Not about getting what we deserve
It's about showin' up (showin' up)
With Your love like who can we serve
Open hearts, broken parts and all (oh)

It's about time and how we spend it
Every hour, every minute
It's about knowing that we're chasing
All the beautiful things that make it
Worth the ride
To the other side

It's about time we started livin'
Like tomorrow ain't ever a given
Every moment is a surrender
To the One who holds forever
Starting now
What it's all about
Yeah, it's about time

Yeah, we here right now (right now)
But we're never gonna be gone (never gonna be gone)
Yeah, life's too short (oh, life's too short)
To live like it's gonna be long
Yeah, we here right now (right now)
But we're never gonna be gone (never gonna be gone)
Yeah, life's too short (oh, life's too short)
To live like it's gonna be long

It's about time and how we spend it
Every hour, every minute
It's about knowing that we're chasing
All the beautiful things that make it
Worth the ride
To the other side

It's about time we started livin'
Like tomorrow ain't ever a given
Every moment is a surrender
To the One who holds forever
Starting now
What it's all about
Yeah, it's about time

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: Kevin Quinn / Jordan Sapp / Walker Hayes / Paul Duncan

It's About Time lyrics © Capitol Cmg Paragon, Capitol Cmg Genesis, Songs Of Smack, Spark In Your Pocket, Songs By Jsap

Potential Faith

Potential. This word has been hitting me hard lately. I know it's been a while since I have written. Days have been full of balancing family activities/responsibilities with teaching eighth grade. Not to mention doing my best to heal from the past six months. At the end of June, I decided to move forward with chemotherapy.  That plan didn't sail so smoothly. I ended with one round of Chemotherapy and about four weeks of summer left before school started.  My energy hasn't been at its best, but I have preserved and have had a great start to my second year of teaching eight grade science.  I am in my element, poised with the potential to continue to do great things. I'm learning a lot about the craft of teaching in general and enjoy the challenges that come with the job. I'm so thankful for a supportive school district and the time to attend professional development events. The photo below is of a group from MVBT who traveled to Colombia, Missouri to hear the speaker and author Mike Rutherford.  Mr. Rutherford is a gifted speaker who shared some of his research in regard to the craft of teaching.

Columbia, MO BTAP Conference MVBT 

Entrance to LMS on Veteran's Day 2022

Preparing daily to teach takes several types of energy.  There is the physical side of being equipped with notes, handouts, slides, and visual aids all ready to go.  There is a mental side to really knowing the subject material you are to present and convey concepts for others to grasp and take hold of.  There is an emotional side to being fully present, engaged, and invested in the people (students and co-workers).  Each type of energy is equally important in order to be an effective teacher. I'm learning it is a continual learning process that truly isn't meant to have an endpoint.  Teaching is one of those quirky professions I believe you never quite arrive and know it all.  It is an evolving, exhausting, and extremely rewarding calling. I refer to it as a calling because if you disagree with what I just said you either have never been a teacher or you are one of those teachers that have stopped tapping into your potential.  Yep, I just said that. We all have the potential to do something grand with our lives.  Something worthy of leaving a legacy.  I believe teaching and being in the classroom is where I am finding my potential and I want to share it with others. 

I have wanted to be a school teacher since my college days. It hasn't been a typical road to get to the classroom for me. It's taken a lot of time and life to prepare me for the role of teacher. I had almost given up on the idea of pursuing it. This is where my faith and the path of teaching intersect. When you delight yourself in the Lord he gives you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4).  Life has thrown me some curve balls that have challenged my faith over and over. Not just one battle with cancer, but two! After the first diagnosis in 2011 of colon cancer, I really did some soul-searching. This led to our family making some changes and eventually moved us from Idaho to Missouri.   I really didn't know what Missouri would hold as far as ministry opportunities.  When I left Idaho, my husband and I were helping to plant a church and serving in our home church as the Children's Ministry Director.   Talk about potential. God was on the move to build something new and to build upon my foundation of faith. Through many circumstances, God led us to move here to Southern Missouri to run a small family cattle ranch.   The potential to build new relationships, watch our boys grow up in a small community, and live out our dream to live the lifestyle of a cattle rancher.  Shortly after being in Missouri, I stepped into substitute teaching. This led to the opportunity to coach basketball and become a certified teacher. God interrupted my first year of teaching with the second battle of cancer, with a diagnosis of breast cancer in February of 2022. In April of 2022, I underwent a double mastectomy for breast cancer. It has been one of the hardest parts of my faith journey so far. 

There are many people along the path that have been a part of helping me become the person I am today. These are the real teachers who teach by example. The ones who live out their potential with a faith life clothed in love, service, and gratitude. I had no idea I'd be teaching science in Missouri. God did. God has used many life lessons to bring me to where I am today. Lately, it seems that grief and sadness are clouding my vision.  This year I have been faced with family members and close friends who have suddenly passed away.  My own Dad went home to be with the Lord in April. I think about him often. A good friend of ours, Levi Woodhouse passed away suddenly at the end of October. If you want a true-life example of what a friend, teacher, a pastor looks like take a look at his celebration of life services. Levi's legacy of love will continue.  It has been once again an opportunity to use some of that potential faith of mine.  Our time here on Earth is short. We must take every opportunity to share Christ.

I have found the quote by Gary Blair, former girls' basketball Coach at Texas A &M to be true, "There is never going to be a day that won't require dedication, discipline, perseverance, and personal integrity." If you didn't know this all ready here is your warning: life is hard.  We all have struggles. How dedicated are you to the life you are living? I don't always feel like doing what is required of me. Shocking right? I still do it because I am dedicated to my calling.  There are hard conversations that happen on a daily basis. Confrontation, when conducted in love, can offer constructive criticism or words of affirmation to encourage a student to keep working hard, or maybe a phone call home. Tricky as it may be, finding the right words to say isn't as hard as how you say them.  I have a phrase I use in my classroom and it goes like this: Say what you mean, mean what you say, don't say it mean. I stole that from a sweet mentor friend (you know who you are!) Having discipline means you do the daily grind and then some, all the time, every day. I know what it means to persevere. I'm a fighter, a survivor. Pushing hard even when my physical body or emotions fight against me. On the outside, it may look like I have it all together.  I don't want to pretend like that is true.  I do struggle more than I want to admit.  These past few months have been tough.  I have been through a lot of physical and emotional changes. My emotions have been acting like a pendulum swinging from side to side over and over again. So much potential energy is wasted on anxious thoughts and unanswerable what-ifs. Who am I when no one is around? What thoughts do I think? What music do I listen to? Am I being careful with my words? Personal integrity is a huge non-negotiable for me. It really is about your core values and beliefs.  Why do you believe the way you believe?  Can you defend it? Who am I?

Life tends to jade a person. One can choose to squash all the potential faith by heading down that downward spiral of self-pity, depression, and discouragement.  Remember faith over fear. I will be having surgery on Monday, November 21, 2022. This is the final procedure in completing my breast reconstruction and plastic surgery from the double mastectomy. The surgery will be in St. Louis at Barnes-Jewish Hospital/ Washington University.  Recovery should not be as long as the last time.  I plan to return to the classroom quickly. My faith is strong and I am eager to finish this part of my journey with cancer. Surviving cancer has really impacted my faith and caused me to analyze my motives and purposes. I hope you can look at some of the hard things in your life and come to the same conclusion.  We may not understand all the why's and timing of it all but we can trust in a God who does.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1 

Remember

Promises 

Everything Will Be All Right. 

Give Me Faith 

Fear is Not My Future 

In Jesus' Name 

God Only Knows

Battle Belongs

Because He Lives

God is With Us

Believe For it

You're Going to be Okay

Too Good Not to Believe

God, Turn it Around

Speak to the Mountains

You Are Not Alone

Fighting for Me

Praise You in this Storm

Warrior

Youtube Playlist of the above songs.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

I will be posting more updates once the surgery is completed.

Faith Over Fear -- Fear is Not My Future

I feel like a stow-away on the boat with the disciples heading to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. The storm has been raging. No clear answer on how to get off this boat ride. The wind is howling, the waves crashing, and then the ghost appears. Waiting, hoping, praying, God save me. Have you ever felt this way? Fear so grand you are paralyzed. Fear so tight against your chest you can not breathe. Fear so intoxicating it infiltrates every thought you have. Yes, I have experienced these modes of fear, and many others like it. I have gone to battle against the source of fear. Fear is a liar. Fear is the Devil himself. Fear robs you of so many things. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 Thankfully the one controlling the storm comes to the rescue and calms the storm by speaking these simple words: "Be of good cheer! It is I; do not be afraid!" Mark 6:50 Once spoken Jesus got in the boat and immediately the storm ceased.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching, sitting in quiet places, waiting for God to speak. I have read highlighted lines of well-read pages of scripture:

"Don't be afraid! I am with you." Isiah 43:5

"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you that hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24

"God is not the author of confusion but of peace, as in all the churches of the saints." 1 Corinthians 14:33

"Wait on the Lord; Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; Wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

"Those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." Isiah 40:31

"I waited patiently for the Lord, and He inclined to me, and heard my cry." Psalm 40:1

"Do not be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

This isn't microwaved faith. Or even instant-pot faith.  It's more like slow-cooker faith.

I have decided not to do any more chemotherapy.  My body is telling me enough. The outward expression of side effects is obvious. It's the unseen effects that concern me. The decision to even go forward with doing chemotherapy was borderline. The possible long-term damaging effects of chemotherapy trump the benefits of killing any other rogue cells in my body,  The effects of one round are visible.  I'm confident the job was done and it's time to move on. I will be meeting with my oncology team later this week to plan my next steps in treatment and recovery. I'm feeling better and stronger every day. 

Thank you for keeping me lifted up in prayer.  This has not been an easy decision.  Playing with numbers and asking the what-if questions is exhausting. There is no human that holds the answers to my questions of reoccurrence. Statistics are meant to be good predictors of the future. I know that there is only One who holds my days in His hands. In this time of praying, seeking, asking, and waiting -- He has made it known that is not for me to worry about. It is in His hands.  Once I released myself from searching for answers and trust the One who is the answer, the storm ceased. Immediate peace. Perfect peace. Just like when Jesus stepped into the boat and the wind and waves stopped. 

I'm putting the lyrics to this song that has been a lifeline for me. You can also watch the music video here.  

Fear is Not My Future 

By: Maverick City 

Let Him turn it in your favor

Watch Him work it for your good

He’s not done with what He’s started

He’s not done until it’s good

So let Him turn it in your favor

Watch Him work it for your good

He’s not done with what He’s started

He’s not done until it’s good

Hello Peace

Hello Joy

Hello Love

Hello Strength

Hello Hope

It’s a new horizon

If you’re ready for a breakthrough

Just open up and just receive

Cause what He’s pouring out is nothing

You’ve ever seen

Fear is not my future

You are, You are

Sickness is not my story

You are, You are

Heartbreak’s not my home

You are, You are

Death is not the end

You are, You are

Hello Peace

Hello Joy

Hello Love

Hello Strength

Hello Hope

It’s a new horizon

Goodbye fear

Goodbye guilt

Goodbye shame

Goodbye pain

Goodbye grave

It’s a new horizon

   Let the Light on in

   Let the Light on in

   It’s a new horizon

Another time the disciples we in the boat crossing to the other side and a great windstorm arose. This time Jesus was asleep in the boat. The boat was filling with water.  Yet Jesus kept fast asleep. So the disciples awoke him. Jesus spoke to the wind -- rebuking it and then to the sea he said, "Peace, be still!" The wind stopped and the seas were calm. Jesus asked a question -- Why are you so fearful? How is it that you have no faith? Mark 4:35-41

Stop living in fear

Faith brings peace

Faith over fear

Fear is not my future

You are Jesus

The Brick Wall

Remember we are on that Bear Hunt? You know the one where we have to go through the tall grass, the river, the mud, and eventually the cave where the home of the bear is at. The journey of cancer. I’m still on that trek. Maybe at a detour now. I’ve hit a brick wall along the journey. I’m staring at this path before me

of poison laden chemotherapy treatments and possible allergic reactions that carry short and long term side effects. This is no joking matter. These decisions are so hard. No decision is still a decision. But I’m at a stand still, deadlock, brick wall. 

My first round of chemotherapy didn’t go as smoothly as I had hoped. I had an allergic reaction to one of the drugs called Doxataxcel. This resulted in a rash on my chest, neck, and face. I have also discovered I’m sensitive to taking the steroid medication that is supposed to help prevent/ lesson reactions for chemotherapy. A very common side effect is having elevated glucose levels. With all this information it is concerning to me as to what might happen on the next treatment. There is no way to predict what will happen. I can only take the information I have and try to make a decision based on previous experiences. This is why I’m at a brick wall. Do the benefits of chemotherapy outweigh the risks? Will the rash happen again? Will it be more widespread? Will it go away over time? What about the steroids and the stress it puts on the endocrine system? Lots of questions with no clear immediate answers.

I’m reminded what a good friend once told me about decision making. She said put the facts on the table, leave your emotions in your heart. This is easier said than done. I’m going to do like the King of Judah, Hezekiah did in the Old Testament when King Sennacherib sent his spokesman to mock the God of the Israelites. Verbally this spokesperson bashed their God by insulting His ability to be faithful. This spokesperson who doesn’t even have a name used words to intimidate the people and King Hezekiah. Isn’t this how the enemy works? Subtly placing doubts in our minds about how great our God is.

• Will you be rescued?
• Where is this God?
• Don’t rely on him.
• You will be handed over
• Did he really promise?

Not only did King Sennacherib send the spokesperson he also sent a letter with all this written out. So how did Hezekiah respond? Like the advice from my friend —he laid the facts out on the table— literally. Don’t miss this. He took the letter, read it, and immediately went to the house of the Lord and laid it before God. Then he started praying. Hard core, specific and simple words. 

• Listen 
• Hear
• Open your eyes
• See
• Save us

Ultimately Hezekiah’s prayer was to bring glory to God. He knew that God was able to rescue them from the mighty army of the Assyrian’s. Bigger than that was that all these nations needed to see that the Israelites God was God alone. 

Regardless of my decision to move forward with another round of chemotherapy or not, my hope is that God is glorified in me and through my actions. I’m laying it all down before Him. Praying. Praying. Praying. 

Do you know how the story ends for Hezekiah and the Israelites? Of course they win the battle. But it’s in the way they won that clearly demonstrates Gods power and ability to o do what He wants and how He wants. God sent an Angel at night that struck down 185,000 dead. King Sennacherib packed up and went home. No questions as to who did what— God alone. 

If you want to read more about this story in the Bible you can find it in 2 Kings 18 & 19.  

No hair and I don’t care!

I’ve pushed back my second round of chemotherapy to  Wednesday, July 27. Needing a clear answer and peace with the decision. I have to decide by Monday  July, 25 in order to have pre-meds on hand.  So once again I’m laying the facts on the table before the Lord and trying to keep my emotions tucked away in my heart.  Solo Gloria. 

Going Through the Storm

What do you do when the only option is to go through the storm? Have you ever been driving along and a storm pops up? You are stuck either on the side of the road or you choose to go through the storm. The dark black clouds loom low to the ground and the rain starts to fall obstructing your vision in front of you. You keep moving because you don't want a car from behind you to run into you, but you are cautious as you move forward not knowing what lies ahead. As you pass through the storm everything around you fades into shades of gray, a big blur, and loud pounding on the windshield and roof of your vehicle. Will it end soon? Thunderstorms typically don't last that long and are moving rapidly. Just like the storms of life that last mere moments or seasons. I'm learning that some storms in life you don't get to choose to go through, they choose you.

Photo By: Stacey Beam

Photo By: Stacey Beam

Have you ever been on a bear hunt? Maybe a deer or turkey hunt? Hunting is one of those tricky outdoor hobbies that require a bit of skill and luck to bring home the trophy prize. My experiences with hunting are somewhat limited.  I’m a beginner and have only lived here in Missouri for almost five years. I’m learning about how to hunt the wildlife in the Ozarks. I enjoy being out in the woods, breathing the forest air, and observing the flora, fauna, and wildlife around me.  It is a peaceful time of sitting in silence from human noise, absorbing the surroundings, and tuning into the sounds of nature.  It can be physically demanding to find the perfect location due to terrain and weather conditions.  The time of year typically is in the fall and sometimes it is warm or downright freezing cold.  The wind can be your friend or foe. There is great anticipation built up to the hunt itself.  So much preparation goes into sacking the big one.   

I’m reminded of a pre-school song “I’m Going on a Bear Hunt, Gonna Catch a Big One.” You may be familiar with the catchy tune. If not check out my link to the song.  

I’m going on a bear hunt of my own.  Well not for a real bear.  The bear of cancer. Defeating the big, scary bear.  I keep repeating the line from the song, "I’m not afraid!” Mentally repeating the phrase and replacing it with scripture.

Philippians 4:4-8 "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don't worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable --if there is any moral excellence and if there is anything praiseworthy -- dwell on these things."

Romans 8:18 " For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is going to be revealed to us."

John 16:33 " I have told you these things so that in me you have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world."

2 Timothy 1:7 "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound mind."

Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace."

Isaiah 43:2 " I will be with you when you pass through the waters, and when you pass through the rivers, they will not overwhelm you. You will not be scorched when you walk through the fire, and the flame will not burn."

Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through him who strengthens me."

In the song, "Going on a Bear Hunt" there are several obstacles encountered before arriving at the cave of the bear. For me, I feel like there have been many obstacles along this journey with breast cancer. Most of which are completely out of my control. The thing I keep repeating to myself is to keep perspective, keep calm, keep hoping, and keep fighting. I don't have understanding or answers, but I know the One who does.

Obstacle one – the grass

Do you ever find yourself looking at what other people have that you don't have? Maybe it seems like the grass might be greener on the other side of the fence? I'm talking about playing that comparison game. You know the one where you scroll through social media, stopping at the pictures of friends on these vacations, or the perfectly posed family photos like Joanna & Chip Gaines? Yeah, I want to be like that, but deep down I'm not. This constant comparison is exhausting. It robs you of joy and replaces your feelings of security with doubts and what-if questions. It is dangerous. When you walk through tall grass or brush in the woods it is very important to watch your step. Hidden in the path may be snakes. Sounds a bit like how the devil wants to trip us up in our thinking--yep the grass sure is green over there. Don't fall for this lie. The devil is keen and cutting. He is crouched like a lion ready to pounce on the prey moving in the tall grass. If the devil can get to us by using mind games to get us thinking we don't compare and measure up against others he wins. We have to win the game in our minds and take control of the negative and degrading self-talk we often partake in. It tends to be in the realm of social media where it runs rampant. Check yourself -- make sure the grass is kept short around you. Remove those distractions, know your boundaries, and call out for help if you get lost in the tall grass. We may look at those pictures and think, wow they have it together. The real reality is those pictures don't say it all. True they may be on vacation once again this summer but you don't know the full story. You are assuming the information you don't have. It may look like life is going along just fine. But under the air-brushed photos and piles of unpaid bills and sleepless nights of loneliness are other Moms wishing their life was like yours. Really we don't want to trade places with anyone. But sometimes we want to because life just seems unfair. My summer certainly isn't going the way I had planned. I'm making the most of it, regardless of a cancer diagnosis and needing chemotherapy. I'm not hiding out in the tall grass wishing I was someone else. This is my path and the enemy better move along. SWISH. SWISH. SWISH.

Obstacle two – the river

Water can be very deceiving. The river may look calm and slow-moving on the surface, but underneath it is swiftly moving with currents. Sometimes in life, it seems like we are drowning in a river of regrets. We made bad choices or worse someone we love made a bad choice and now life is messed up. I see it over and over again. The brokenness of families ruins confidence and confuses young children as to what true love is. We end up drowning in a sea of broken promises, confusion, anger, depression, and bitterness. The river for me seems to be this constant battle with my health. Maybe for you, it is finances or relationship woes. It really doesn't matter what the issue is we can all relate to this feeling of water rising to the point of sucking us down. We are trapped and figuratively drowning. Feeling like you are in over your head? Join the club! Rest assured the Father knows what we need even before we ask. Call to the one who can speak a Word to calm the seas in an instant. You might get wet in the process of getting out of the boat. Be okay with that. Life is hard. The struggle is real. SPLASH. SPLASH. SPLASH.

Obstacle three – the mud

Mud is messy. Life can be a real mess. It's not always easy and it certainly doesn't go the way I want it to go every time. Maybe you have never thought of mud as a medium for transformation. Certain types of soil produce clay.  Wet clay is very sticky and rolls like plasticine.  It is easy to mold and shape into the desired object. When it dries it is able to keep the shape of the object. Usually, the clay is put in a kiln and heated to very hot temperatures around 1,800 to 2,400 degrees Fahrenheit.  Does anyone else feel like it is hot in the trial? Like you are going to burn up or out? This is part of the process. Clay has to be molded. Whose job is that? The Bible gives the analogy of the Father being the Potter and we are the clay. In Isiah 64:8 "But now O Lord, you are our Father; we are the clay, and You our potter; and we are the work of your hand." So all this mud and clay is the work of the Father. He is making us like Him as we go through the hardships in life. He is molding, shaping, breaking, creating, over and over again in each of us a perfectly unique you and me.  Just like Peter wrote, "Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try to you, as though some strange thing happened to you;  but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy." 1 Peter 4:12-13 The mud may be messy but God is making something beautiful out of it.  SQUISH. SQUISH. SQUISH.

We can't go over it

We can't go around it.

We can't go over it.

We must go through it.

That is what Jesus wants us to do -- go through the grass, river, and mud -- He is with us every step.

HEALTH UPDATE

Monday, June, 27 I will be having outpatient surgery to place the power port for chemotherapy.  This will be done in West Plains. On Tuesday I have a planned visit up in St. Louis along with a bone density scan.  On Wednesday I begin my treatments for chemotherapy. We are coordinating the chemotherapy with my oncologist here in West plains to make travel trips less.  I am very thankful we have that option. All of my 4 chemotherapy treatments will be done locally here in West Plains. I am very eager to get this going.  The quicker we can start the quicker I can be done! Please pray that my labs are all "normal" and comply with the protocols for receiving chemotherapy.  I will try to update as I can.  I know that while receiving chemotherapy you feel rather groggy due to all of the medications you are receiving. Praying no major side effects and allergic reactions occur. 

I have had several reach out and want to know how they can help my family.  If you can get ahold of anyone at New Hope Baptist Church that would be a great place to start.  You can always message me and I can relay the message. Thank you again for text messages, calls, Facebook messages, and cards.  You are all so amazing and I'm blessed to have a wonderful support family.

Facing the Tough Decisions

Indecision. Feeling stuck. Fork in the road. Right or left.  Up or down. Choosing to not make a decision is paralyzing, agonizing, and plain exhausting. I have spent some time in this camp lately. Gathering all my information to build a case for or against chemotherapy has been the hardest decision I have had to make.  Ultimately it comes down to faith.  Do I trust in the God of the universe who created the heavens and earth and holds my life in His hands, or do I trust in myself to pick what is best? I have been wrestling this out between the voices in my head and the dozens of pieces of papers from the doctor's office, google search tabs of breast cancer articles, notecards filled with scripture verses, and an abundance of cards/notes from friends and family. I've heard from many of you offering prayers and words of encouragement. I can't tell you how important each one of you is to me. 

I have prayed for clarity, wisdom, and direction. My prayers were confirmed Wednesday evening. I was tying to justly a 2-3% in my favor or against my favor. On Wednesday night I went to bed with my decision made: No chemotherapy.  I had weighed my options. Reasoned the pros and cons of partaking in the poison cocktail club and firmly announced to myself, nope not going to happen this time.  I was ok with this. I honestly thought the side effects and potential risks involved outweighed the benefits of doing the treatments. But God had other plans...

On Friday afternoon my oncologist doctor called.  There was a clerical error in the final pathology report she wanted to clarify and have corrected.  I agreed.  It was regarding how many lymph nodes were taken and tested.  There were 3, and all 3 tested negative for cancer.  This is good news and didn't change anything we knew.  She wanted to repeat a previously completed study using a piece of tissue that had not been used for another testing.  She was wanting to confirm the hormone status of my type of cancer as well and just ordered a repeat on that.  It is not as common to have lobular carcinoma in situ with only estrogen positive.  Typically you would see both estrogen and progesterone positive and she wanted to confirm my data.  She also wanted run the Ki-67 test once again.  This test is commonly used to measure the cellular proliferation (how fast cells are dividing) of the breast cancer tissue.

SCIENCE CONTENT WARNING (I know I love this stuff, maybe you do too!)

Ki-67 assessment is probably the best known.  A monoclonal antibody is used for IHC (immunohistological) staining of the proliferation-association nuclear protein Ki-67 in tumor cells to determine the percentage of Ki-67 positive cells among the total population of tumor cells in formalin-fixed paraffin-embedded sections contained from a core-cut biopsy sample, this is the Ki-67 index.

Tumors are classified as having a high or low Ki-67 index based on a prespecified cutoff.  Tumors with a high Ki-67 index have a larger number of proliferating cells and are therefore likely to grow more quickly. A score of greater than 30% of tumor cells showing staining compared to malignant cells is considered high. Breast cancers that are ER-positive (estrogen receptor) can be classified into two molecular subtype groups: Luminal A and Luminal B. Typically Luminal A tumors have a lower rate of proliferation than Luminal B tumors. This means Luminal B tumors are more aggressive types of cancer. About 85 percent of breast cancers are ductal carcinomas, while 11.4 percent are lobular carcinomas, according to a study published in the Annals of Medicine and Surgery. More than three-quarters of lobular carcinomas fall into the luminal A and triple-negative tumor category.

The results came back confirming what we previously knew -- ER-positive only.  But the Ki-67 test confirmed again with a high index value greater than 30% of cells stained were present.  She also mentioned that the subtypes were present and that indication "heightens" the aggressiveness of my lobular carcinoma breast cancer.  She went on to say that she is changing her suggestion of adjuvant chemotherapy to recommending I really need to do this. Big sigh. Deep breathe. You got this! Ok, so what you are saying is even though...

• 3 out of 3 lymph nodes negative
• Stage 1
• Clear Margins from DBMX
• Grade 3
• ER + / PR -
• Oncotype score 18
• Ki-67 <30%
• Lobular carcinoma in situ (LCIS)

So we need to partake in chemotherapy? Yes, I'm so sorry. So my decision became clear. I am to do chemotherapy. The data doesn't lie. 

The plan now is to coordinate doing chemotherapy here in West Plains for the sanity of myself and my husband.  Driving to St. Louis is a long drive and the price of fuel is not helping! I am so glad that Siteman will work with my local oncology doctor here in West Plains. I will have more information soon as to when all of this will begin.  I will do 4 treatments, 3 weeks apart. We will be placing a power port to receive chemotherapy IV directly. When this begins will depend on scheduling and getting insurance lined out.  I have every intention to continue working each day for as long as possible. I know that some days that just may not happen. I am so grateful for wonderful teacher friends and administration who are willing to support me and give me time to take care of myself.  

On Saturday my church family rallied together to support me with a benefit event.  Everyone went all out. I am so grateful for the kindness and generosity of my friends at New Hope Baptist Church and the many local businesses that donated items to help raise money.  You all know who you are and I love you!

Now I will begin to prepare myself for the battle ahead. So how do you tackle the monster you are dreading? Put one foot in front of the other — and walk toward the impossible water. Drench yourself in Hope. Get out of the boat and walk on the water.   The only way forward is to step into your sea — because you’ll drown in despair if you don’t follow Hope Himself forward.  The road may look uncertain. I know who goes with me. I will be brave. 

You Make Me Brave

Bethel Music, Amanda Cook

I stand before You now
The greatness of your renown
I have heard of the majesty and wonder of you
King of Heaven, in humility, I bow

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

I have heard You calling my name
I have heard the song of love that You sing
So I will let You draw me out beyond the shore
Into Your grace
Your grace

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter into

Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

'Cause you make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the love that made a way

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made

You make me brave
You make me brave
You call me out beyond the shore into the waves
You make me brave
You make me brave
No fear can hinder now the promises you made

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

As Your love, in wave after wave
Crashes over me, crashes over me
For You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in

Source: LyricFind

Songwriters: Amanda Cook

You Make Me Brave lyrics © Bethel Music Publishing