Spirit vs. Flesh

So the last few days have consisted of sleeping. Yep, sleeping. I guess that is the body's way of saying rest flesh! I am thankful that sleep has come easy and most days and nights are a blur now. I am wrestling with my spirit's desire to be active, social and in fellowship with friends and family. I do miss getting out and about. Due to my low levels of WBC and just recuperating from round 3 of chemo I have kept myself at bay from activities. This is not easy for me. I so desperately want to be with my friends at church and other social gatherings. I know God is close by and He loves me and hears my prayers. It is amazing! Yet the battle within rages on: spirit vs. flesh. So this has forced me to look further into this delima of mine. Although I am facing a battle that is physical -- the effects of toxic chemo poison in my body, I face another battle. The spiritual. The one that is not against flesh and blood. The one fought in the heavenly realms.

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do - this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but the sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Wh0 will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!"
Romans 7:13-25

To understand what I am going to write it imperative we are all on the same page. So for my greek minded friends and hermaneutaical experts here is my attempt at Biblical exposition. I am by no means an "expert" just a student seeking the truth...

It seems that I am faced more often than not - with choices. I can choose to be controlled by the law (flesh) or the law of the Spirit. If I set my mind on what the Spirit desires then peace abounds, but if my mind is set apart from the Spirit then chaos ensues. I can live in the Spirit or not. The choice is mine. The perplexity of this deepens as I ponder the wonder of how Christ set me free from the law of sin and death. The answer is contained in the cross. Here I find the Spirit of Sonship, a loving Father, privilege to be called a child of the King and co-heir of Christ. The chains are gone! I have been set free! With all these glorious benefits I get something else --the privilege of sharing in his sufferings so that I may share in his glory. So now it is making sense to me. The battle I face both in the physical and spiritual is for His glory. My present sufferings are not worth comparing to what is to come (future, as in heaven) but, what He is doing right now in me. What He is revealing to me now as I fight this battle before me. He has blessed me with every spiritual blessing (Ephesians 1:3) and equipped me to fight (Ephesians 6:10-18). So why do I find myself struggling? I must be continually filled with the Spirit in order to live in the Spirit. This requires work. (Galatians 5:16-18) This is not easy when the body (flesh) is not willing or when the Spirit wants to run and hide. According the Beth More, "The more we are filled with the Spirit, the more faith we can possess." I like that! I could use some more faith...without faith it is impossible to please God. I can ask God to increase my faith and confess my unbelief only to have Him grow my faith and stretch me even further. So I find myself on the doorstep of His courts. Thanking Him for the faith He has given me thus far and asking for an increase to make it even farther.
"Open the gates of righteousness; I will enter and give thanks to the Lord." Psalm 118:19
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

A Surprise Visit

I am learning to role with the changes that fall upon my path these days. Last week was hard to swallow in the sense that I had to wait to see if the WBC would return to a higher level. I was disappointed initially but then remembered God's word...my ways are not your ways...My plans are better. Then I was thinking to myself and realized that we have family in town I will get to enjoy visiting with them more and eating! What could be better. Having Duane and Karen Luehrs around for the week was fabulous. I was able to rest (a little) in between shopping and playing my guitar (thanks Duane!).
I also have on my calender a speaking engagement for a women's retreat the second weekend in September (9-11) for Stonecroft Ministries. This is something that I was asked to do back in December 2010. Of course the ladies are all aware of my health situation and are praying earnestly for my ability to be present. Having my chemo treatment week changed puts the retreat on an "off" week of chemo. This is a huge answer to prayer! God works in wondrous ways. It looks like I will be able to go and speak at the retreat! So at this point in the week I am feeling high and up on the clouds, thanking God for His amazing way of turning not so good news into great news. As if it couldn't get any better...my phone rings. It is Dave Fabarez, my youth pastor during High School days in San Diego. He and his wife just happen to be in Boise, celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary and want to stop by. WOW! So for 2 hours they are sitting in my house just visiting. What a nice surprise! In the midst of overcoming low WBC, GI issues and no appetite the Lord in His great mercy and compassion took notice of my situation and blessed me. He brought me comfort with family and friends. People who care about me and are fun to be around. It's all a matter of perspective. I am choosing to find things around me to be thankful for and celebrate them when they cross my path. God desires to give good gifts to his children. He delivers on His promise!
"How great is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men on those who take refuge in you. In the shelter of your presence you hide them from the intrigues of men; in your dwelling you keep them safe from accusing tongues. Praise be to the Lord, for he showed his wonderful love to me when I was in a besieged city." Psalm 31:19-21

Quick Update

Just wanted to let you all know that I did receive Chemo round 3 on Tuesday (15th). I am at home resting now. Had a good visit with the oncology doctor and hope to continue moving forward with treatments. Lot's to share with you all...random thoughts jotted down in the margins of my Bible and journal. Working on compiling more to share. I just need to rest now and collect my thoughts. Thank you all much for your concerns, prayers and words of encouragement.

Psalm 34: 15-22 Read this if you get a free moment.

Good News

I am happy to report that my WBC count was up today! Doing the praise dance for sure! I did get another injection of the neupogen and will wait until Tuesday (August 16th) for another lab draw. I will also get to see the Oncology Doctor and hopefully get round 3 of Chemo. I am feeling great and my appetite has increased. It is a good thing since we have family in town and I have been able to join them for meals. One thing is certain - you don't want to miss a meal in the Luehrs family when family from out of town comes to visit! Tonight was BBQ salmon, rice, brocolli and fruit salad. Yummy to my hungry tummy! I am still eating very carefully to help encourage things in the GI deaprtment to keep moving. So far keeping away from raw vegatables and roughage (red meat, salads etc.) is working. I am more tired than "normal" but I figure that is to be expected. Looking forward to a relaxing weekend filled with food and family...does it get any better than that?

"Oh how great is Your goodness. Which You have laid up for those who fear you, which You have prepaered for those who trust in You." Psalm 31:19

"No eye has seen no ear has heard, no mind conceived what God has prepared for those who love him." Isaiah 64:4

Statement of Faith

God is who He says He is
God can do what He says he can do
I am who God says I am
I can do all things through Christ
God's word is alive and active in me

I begin Round 3 of Chemo today. Trusting in a loving Father. Resting in Him who is able to sustain me. Submitting to His will, not my own.

Silence

Thinking is a good thing. Thinking alone in silence is even better. This is something that I have found to be a necessary refreshing step in the journey we call life. This is no easy feat. The demand of everyday responsibilities and unplanned so-called crisis interrupt daily activities. Carving out time for self is hard. It is not the length of time but the quality of the time spent, pondering, thinking and praying that is so needed for our weary souls, minds and bodies. A lack of intimacy with the Father is at the heart of our embedded troubles. Jesus told us we would have problems in this world, yet we are to take head to his words: "Come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." Matthew 11:28-29 Here is a question posed by Charles Swindoll in his book "Intimacy With the Almighty" -- "Do you want to be profoundly aware of His presence, in touch with Him at the deepest possible level, thinking His thoughts, gleaning His wisdom, and living as close to His heart as is humanly possible, operating your life in the nucleus of His will?" Then we must get serious about pondering His Words to us. We must become intimately engaged with Christ and Christ alone. No program, no Bible study group, no worship experience etc. will give us that which we seek at such a deep level. Pure and simple Bible reading and thinking about what you read -- this leads to wisdom and knowledge about our Father. One of the most difficult yet rewarding aspects of my journey so far has been cultivating absolute silence. Psalm 46:20 states "Be still and know that I am God." I want to share about my experience last Saturday when our family went up to the mountain to cut some fire wood. I went along for the opportunity to take pictures of wild flowers and to go for a walk alone in the forest to ponder, think, pray -- for some silence. I was reading Psalm 62 "Find rest O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him...One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you O Lord, are strong, and that you O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done." I was walking along a steep hillside looking around, praying silently when all of a sudden two young stags appeared right in front of me. I think they scared me as much as I scared them. Yet we all just stood there for a brief moment in time: perfectly still, perfectly silent. It was a moment I won't forget. The words of Psalm 42:1-2 "As the deer pants for stream of water so my soul thirst for you O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God." These words come to mind and I was moved to tears as I stood their alone on a hillside with my thoughts. It was if God knew how desperate I was for Him to speak to me, so He sent two deer to cross my path and remind me of His desire for intimacy with me. I sat down and just cried. It was a good cry. I know this may sound weird but trust me something happens deep with in when you can release the burdens. I have many. We all do. I just happen to have cancer -- chemo -- life. Saturday, I felt like I couldn't move forward, I needed His strength. This is why silence is so important to me. With out that time on the mountain alone in silence where I have a come to Jesus time I can not face the "real mountains" set before me. My heart was beating wildly. My thoughts then turned to praising a gigantic God who created the heavens and earth. I felt so small in the midst of big fir trees, mountain tops, flowers and deer. Yet, God sees me and knows my heart. How sweet that silence was.

"The Bible is not an end to itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts." A.W. Tozer

Simple Pleasures

Anna's Top Ten Simple Pleasures...for the moment.

1. Taking a nap because I want to.
2. Star gazing
3. Dog kisses
4. Hearing my son say I love you mommy
5. Fitting into those skinny jeans
6. Discovering my husband took the trash out with out me asking
7. Gardening
8. Eating food in general
9. Feeling so loved by God, family & friends
10. Going number two! (Yep, I said it)

Feeling much better this morning and hopeful things will stay, shall we say moving! Thank you all so much for lifting me in prayer. It has been a long week -- for sure one to remember God's faithfulness. His mercies are new every morning, great is thy faithfulness Lord unto me!