If God

Before the day is over...
Today marks a year ago from when I first started chemotherapy.  It is hard to imagine that this past year has gone by as quickly as it did.  Looking back is bitter sweet.  Chemo is just not one of those things on your bucket list of things to do in life.  I can say now that I am very thankful it is in the past.  Hopeful to never revisit it again. Pondering today brings me back to days of agonizing waiting, patiently praying and constantly hoping in Hope.  He is faithful.  Great is His faithfulness unto me.

Me one year ago! July 13th, 2011

Last year I started chemo in the middle of my church's VBS.  It was a  hot Wednesday morning.  I remember it so vividly.  I can smell it.  It's funny how sounds and smells can bring you back to a previous experience.  Today I stood in the same sanctuary with the VBS crew and kids.  Today we sang songs, danced, played games and listened to Bible lessons.   Last year I sat in the pastor's office sprawled out on his couch.  I pulled myself together to lead the kids in song and direction.  This year I danced with them.  They may not understand why I make a complete idiot of myself dancing around to Jeff Slaughter tunes.  But God knows.  The simple truths we teach at VBS are the simple truths that got me through this last year. 

"Love God and love others" Luke 10:27

Admit
Believe
Confess

Awesome God! Amazing Power!

I wrote this in my journal last year:

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.  I will say of the Lord: He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust."  

Psalm 91:1-2

This is the same place I hide in today.  When life has changed, my health gives way and I have nothing left to cling to, the Shelter is the only place of solace.  I have learned what the words of one of the VBS songs we sang this week really means.

If God by Jeff Slaughter

If God holds my days in His hands,

If God has power over my circumstance,

If God knows the plans he has for me,

Why should I fear? Why should I worry?

If God is for me who can be against me?

Whatever happens I know I can trust He is in control.

Cause God is for me who can be against me?

I have faced the giants.  God is on my side.  The struggle is part of the journey.  It's what makes us into the person God wants us to be.  If we never have to struggle, we wouldn't see the glory in it.  Christ in me the hope of glory.  That is what it is about.

"Worry does not empty tomorrow of sorrow, it empties today of it's strength" Corrie Ten Boom
Written by another women who knew how to hide...

Dustin & me July 1, 2012

What Are You Growing?

I can hardly believe how the time has slipped away.  I have neglected my postings.  My disappearance in writing is just a reflection of how over-committed I am and how undisciplined the real me is.  So I apologize to my readers and take up the keyboard once again and make a vow to be diligent to write on a more regular basis.  I have so much too say.  So much to reflect upon.  So much to be thankful for.

I have been working in my garden this summer. I love spending time outside pulling weeds, watering and tilling the soil around healthy plants.  Most of my garden I have gown from seed.  I started my garden the last week of May.  The ground was broke open by the blades of the rototiller and them smoothed out by the combs of the rake. Compost was mixed in to fertilize the ground and recharge it for yet another season of production. Then, tiny seed packets were opened and in faith they found their places in the darkness beneath the earth.  Nothing seemed to be happening. I was waiting. The sun shinned down beating the ground till a crust formed over the rows.  Water sprinkled over top of neat rows, quenching the thirst of dry ground. And then one day, a tiny sign of life poked up through the crevices of earth, reaching for sunlight and air.  It was a glorious day.  I celebrated.  The conversion from seed to sprout to plant had occurred.

"Then he told them many things in parables, saying: A farmer went out to sow his seed.  A he was scattering the seed, some fell along the path, and the birds came and ate it up.  Some fell on rocky places, where it did not have much soil.  It sprang up quickly, because the soil was shallow.  But when the sun came up, the plants were scorched, and they withered because they had no root.  Other seed fell among thorns, which grew up and choked the plants. Still other seed fell on good soil, where it produced a crop - a hundred, sixty or thirty times what was sown." Matthew 13: 3-8 

 During the time the seed is hidden a mysterious work is done.  It is the work of the Father. This kind of growth takes place in our own lives. Like that tiny seed, if we are to grow into a mature believers and become new creations in Christ we must undergo a transformation.  This is an unseen process, naked to the human eye.  It is a painful and sometimes lonely process that can last a season.  This is where questions arise and the wrestler inside us grips hard for the fight.  It works because in the end we choose to give up, surrender to the Father's way and trust.

"Somehow God is able to do his best work in the depths of the compost of our lives." Tri Robinson

Only God can take a life stuck in the pit and make something beautiful out of it.  I know this to be true in my own life.  We have to wait paitenly for the seed to sprout.  This is the same in our faith journey.  Only God can transform my life in good soil I have planted myself in. This good soil I speak of is available to all.  It is the Word.  It is the picture of the tree by the river, sinking roots down deep.  One of my most recent favorite passages in scripture is Psalm 1.  When one is planted by the Rivers of Living Water -- fruit will come in season.

"And the seeds that fell on the good soil represent honest, good-hearted people who hear God's word, cling to it, and patiently produce a huge harvest." Luke 8:15

I am still waiting for the harvest in my garden.  I patiently tend to it knowing in season I will reap what I have sown.  I can't wait to taste the hot tomatoes fresh from off the vine, snap peas right out of the pods and can pickles for another day to savor.  I get asked often what are you growing in your garden?  I smile.  I am growing nothing.  God, He is growing a harvest I have the privilege to watch it come to maturity. In my own life I go through seasons of being stuck in the manure pile to enjoying the fruit of my labor.  It's a constant cycle.  Seasons change.  Lives can be remade.  He does make beautiful things and gardens can grown up out of the soil of my own heart.

"I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But death will produce many new kernels - a plentiful harvest of new live." 

John 12:24

"If real maturity and fruitfulness are to be produced in and through our lives, two things must happen.  First, we must die to ourselves; and second, we must submit ourselves to a long, deep, and transforming process that allows God to rebuild us into his creation."  Tri Robinson

What are you growing in your garden (life)? 

Enjoy this song -- Beautiful Things by Gungor

May Joy Dare

Join me in counting the gifts: May Joy Dare
361. Vinegar in dressing
362. Hay
363. Banana milk
364. Money
365. Mail
366. Stick of gum
367. Hardworking
368. faithful
369. Yellow school bus
370. 13 year old cat who still sits on my lap and purrs
371. Quiet time on the deck in the sun
372. STOP
373. A stranger
374. Home made peanut butter cookies
375. Judge
376. Friend
377. Redeemer
378. Floors I can clean
379. A sanctuary
380. Warm & inviting for family & friends
381. Photos
382. Clothes
383. Toys
384. Stars in the sky
385. Glorious moon
386. Shadows
387. Strawberry blossoms
388. Apple crumble candle burning
389. Sacrifice
390. Taught me work ethic
391. Love
392. Lead rope
393. Quilt
394. Tea cup
395. Comfort
396. Companionship
397. Wisdom
398. Tractor toys
399. Jenga Blocks
400. Saddle
401. Positive attitude
402. Tough
403. Willing to learn
404. To obey is better than to sacrifice
405. A daughter of the king
406. Potatoes
407. Pajamas
408. The words: wisdom and courage
409. A meal from a friend
410. Kindness found in a total stranger
411. Forced rest -- again! (learning still)
412. Mom & Dad
413. Sense of adventure to try new things
414. A love for animals
415. Potted flowers from a friend
416. green grapes
417. Chips
418. Total faith in bigger people to care for them
419. Imagination
420. Desire to learn
421. Spending the afternoon with a good friend
422. Watching a mama kitty feed her kittens
423. Taking Clyde for a truck ride
424. Support
425. Acceptation of who I am
426. Part of a family
427. Dinner made by a friend
428. Flowers
429. Cookies
430. Difficult relationships
431. Broken bones
432. Relentless wind
433. Hand knit beanie
434. Sugar
435. A tissue
436. Praying with a friend
437. Holy Chaos - Children's Church
438. Sharing a meal with the church family
439. Motherhood
440. Clothes to fold and put away
441. Chaperoning 1st and 2nd grade field trip
442. Feeding the dogs
443. Leftovers for lunch
444. Bedtime stories
445. Blue jeans
446. Bouncy call
447. Fancy napkins
448. A smile
449. A high five
450. A kind word

A Year Ago Today

Have you ever asked yourself what was I doing a year ago today?  Well I did that today.  Last year exactly a year ago I was in the hospital getting my colon removed and the cancer cut out.  Yep it was a year ago.  I can hardly believe it has been that long.  So much has happened between then and now.  The Lord has brought me so far.  I have so much further to go in my journey.  It is good to remember where you have been.  It is good to look back and remember what the Lord has brought you through.

"And Moses said to the people: "Remember this day in which you went out of Egypt, out of the house of bondage; for by strength of hand the LORD brought you out of this [place]." Exodus 13:3

Mr. Star

For those that don't know the full story of my latest injury (drama) I thought I would update you.  On May 12th I was riding a horse.  I won't bore you with the details of why and how but in the end I was bucked off.  I landed on my tail bone and then whacked my head on the hard ground.  I knew instantly that I had done some damage.  I could move but was afraid I had hurt my back or neck.  So those with me called 911.  I was hoping for a fancy helicopter ride to Twin Falls.  Nope -- I wasn't bleeding.  The ride to Twin was long.  I don't remember anything about the ER visit.  I awoke the next day in a hospital room.  I had a concussion and had badly bruised my lower back and tail bone region.  I spent two nights in the hospital.  Sunday was Mother's Day and the anniversary of my diagnosis of colon cancer.  Next year I am locking myself in my bedroom on May 13th.  I was in terrible pain from my fall and was slow moving.  I came home and attempted returning to my normal activities.  The pain seemed to stay the same.  This past Thursday I went back to the doctor, who then informed me that I did indeed fracture my pelvis in two places.  YIKES!  This explains the pain and walking so awkwardly.  There is no band-aid to fix the fractures.  They heal on their own, much like a broken rib.  Over time it will heal.  Again -- I feel a common theme resurfacing.  More time waiting and resting has arrived, again.  More lessons to be learned, perhaps for myself and my family.  I am certainly sore and the bruising is improving (lovely colors). I find myself once again having to pace myself and judge how much can I really do with out over doing it.

I have heard from many of you since this latest incident.  It seems wrong to have to endure more trials -- more hardship -- it's just not fair.  Your are right.  But what can I do about it?  Absolutely nothing.  I have to embrace what comes my way and live.  Not just live, but fully live.  I am not in control.  Bad things happen to good people.  It's just a fact of life here on planet Earth.  There is always good wrapped up inside something that seems so bad or unjust.  It's a matter of perspective.  There is a common prayer I repeat daily: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.  Serenity: a state of being calm, having inner peace.  I need that all the time!

 "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to [His] purpose."  Romans 8:28

"God takes the initiative to interrupt our lives for the higher cost of developing us into spiritually mature believers." A.W. Tozer

If you aren't facing some sort of crisis in your own personal life -- then brace yourself, because the storm is about to hit.  Trust me, you can bank on it.

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. {like serenity} In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world."  John 16:33

  If not -- who are you really serving?  We have an enemy who prowls around seeking to steal, kill and destroy the life of believers.  We must fight the good fight and raise the shield of faith and not quit.  I hear about so many who want to raise the white flag and throw in the towel.  Not me.  I stand firm, knowing the battle at hand.  I am not immune to falling prey to the enemies traps, but I am getting wiser at detecting them laying in ambush before he strikes.  I am playing both offense and defense. Trials have a way of pealing away the layers that hinder our spiritual growth.  I want to grow.  I don't want to be a casual Christian.  This is the hard stuff. Faith is built over a lifetime.  Not overnight.  Old habits die hard.  New habits require discipline.  Trials go hand in hand with fire.  Fire burns away the imperfections.

"You have to have more than simple growth; you have to have trials to bring you to perfection." A.W. Tozer

"Therefore, leaving the discussion of the elementary [principles] of Christ, let us go on to perfection, not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works and of faith toward God..." Hebrews 6:1

We are aiming for perfection.  It is impossible on our own.  In Christ we are becoming perfect.  It is our goal to become more and more like Him...moving in the direction of perfection.  Our faith grows as a result of the trials we face.  We can choose to embrace them and thank God for the hiccups along the road or we can curse the ground and complain our way through life.

Be joyful always! 

Pray Continually;

Give thanks is ALL circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

How will you remember this day a year from now?

Relay on Friday Night

Just wanted to share a few photos from last night at the Relay 4 Life Event.  I would have stayed the entire night with my team, but due to my back injury last weekend it wouldn't be smart.  So I did a few trips around the track and participated in the survivor lab.  The luminary ceremony was really special.  I am so thankful for old friends and new friends!

KayLynn Mitchell & Anna Luehrs

Team Mitchell #37

Opportunity - Benefit Dinner

THANK YOU!

The Benefit Dinner was a blast!  It was so sweet to see so many of you at this event.  Our family was so overwhelmed with your love, support and generosity.  It truly was a special night celebrating what the Lord has done for our family over this last year.

I just thought I would post some of my notes from what I shared at the Benefit Dinner for those of you who could not be there.

1. Trials are an opportunity to prove the faithfulness of God in our lives.
Cancer has been the hardest thing I've had to face in my life.  I've heard it said that God won't give you more than you can handle.  I don't believe this anymore.  I think He gives us more so that we can reflect Him and His power to others.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves received from God.

Ephesians 3:20 To Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine according to his power that is at work within us.

2. Opportunity to Wrestle With God.
Have you ever had to ask God the hard questions?  Why me? Why now? Why cancer?  Why not fill in the blank...for your life?

Isaiah 40:27 Why do you say O Jacob and complain O Israel, My way is hidden from the Lord, my cause is disregarded by my God?

Another words...Ahhh God it's me here...well don't you see that I have a life going on right now, a son to take care of, chores, friends and family...I'm busy!  They say it's cancer God...Don't you see my pain?

"The only ones we can rest in God are the ones who have wrestled with God...I will not let go until you bless me...There is no tighter embrace than the grip of the wrestle." Ann Voskamp

3.  Opportunity to Renew Strength and Grow Stronger
This last year has been like having a sabbatical.  All of my so called "normal" every-day chores were just impossible for me to accomplish.  I had to learn to let go of my to-do's and hang onto God in a brand new way.  I did a lot of waiting.  I did a lot of counting.  I counted days.  My days consisted of waiting till the next treatment or lab results...waiting.

Isaiah 40:29  God gives strength to the weary and he increases the power of the weak.

12 rounds of chemotherapy later I have learned what it means to wait on the Lord.  Through it all I discovered I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  It's not about me, but about Christ in me, that's how I made it through...daily...moment by moment.

4.  Opportunity to Be Thankful
Life is messy.  Stuff happens.  Words are spoken that you can't take back.  Circumstances are UN-controllable.  Here is a definition I like for thanksgiving:  Thanksgiving is the evidence of our acceptance of whatever He gives -- thanksgiving is the manifestation of our yes to His grace.  It's choosing the have a thankful heart and live in a way that reflects gratitude regardless of circumstances -- yes, even cancer!

1 Thessalonians 5:16  Be joyful always. Pray continually.  Give thanks in all circumstances for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

I'm still learning this.  But the crazy thing is this: discovering joy and the freedom that comes from having a thankful heart is changing me.  I am learning to not complain and to recognize the things I can not change.  All means all.  All the time we are to be thankful -- you can fill in the blank...

5.  Opportunity to Share My Faith

I'm just doing what Jesus told me to do.  Like the disciples untying  a donkey.  It doesn't make sense but this is what god said to do.  Many people ask, what are you doing? I'm just following instructions and being obedient to what Christ asked me to do.

I can't share about this past year without talking about my personal relationship with Christ.  I don't know why God choose me to get cancer. I do know that it has deepened my faith and my relationships to those I am closest to.

Psalm 73:28  I have made the Sovereign Lord my refuge and I will tell of all His works.

I vowed at the beginning of this journey to not waste my cancer. So it would not be right for me to take this opportunity to give you an opportunity to accept the free gift of salvation.  So that you too can have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.  God's love is so big, so crazy, so consuming.  He desires a relationship with you.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

Romans 6:23  For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.

John 3:3  I tell you the truth no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again.

John 14:6  I am the way the truth and the life. No noe comes to the Father except through me.

Romans 10:9-11  That is if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

Revelation 3:20  Here I am!  I stand at the door and knock.  If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and he with me.

Pray with me:
Admit
Believe
Confess

A Sheppard's Heart

Where's my faith at? Actually the better question is where is my heart at?  It's not a question of faith but a matter of the heart when it comes to how much faith I truly have. The fact is the harvest is ready, am I?  Am I really a threat to the Kingdom of darkness? Or am I an agent of freedom marching in the Kingdom of Light?

"But when He saw the multitudes, He was moved with compassion for them, because they were weary and scattered, like sheep having no shepherd. Then He said to His disciples, The harvest truly [is] plentiful, but the laborers [are] few. Therefore pray to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into His harvest."  Mathew 9:36-38

Compassion starts with prayer then moves into action.  Jesus was moved with compassion over the multitudes - scattered, lost, weary and with out a Shepard. Lost sheep are scared and wander aimlessly in search of life's answers.  They want to hear the Truth, but no one shares the Gospel.

"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the Word of God." Romans 10:17

 Am I so busy being a Worker, a Laborer for the Kingdom of light that I have missed the boat?  Is my heart so messed up (still & again) to see the lost sheep?  My heart must be like the Shepard's heart.  Full of compassion and eager to offer the Living Water. It's my motives. The sheep need the Word. Do I serve with the right heart -- keeping the main thing the main thing: Jesus?  Do I have a Shepard's heart?

How to know if you have a "bad" Shepard's heart:
Taken from lecture notes by Ed Taylor at Calvary Chapel Boise Leadership Conference 4/27/12 

Based on Ezekiel 34

1. Selfish - feed themselves
2. Use People - take advantage
3. Take the best - choose first
4. Ignore needs - not compassionate
5. Disregard pain - those who are sick
6. Close eyes to the hurting - ignore
7. Pay no attention - to those drawn away
8. Refuse to help - lazy
9. Harsh & angry - bitter with words
10. Careless - sheep astray 

The reward for faithfulness is always more.