Siteman Cancer Center - Update from March 15

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  We were seen quickly by the oncology surgeon who was caring, compassionate, and easy to talk to.  Dr. M was everything I expected and then some.  She reassured this Google searching crazy science girl to not stress. Not a problem at all to have a bilateral mastectomy! She has been practicing for over 20 years and can't say "definitely" but with some confidence, this type of cancer has been detected early and we are in no hurry to operate. 

With that said I am still waiting for a surgery date.  (Big sigh....)

I did not need any additional imaging tests done yesterday. We visited for some time in her office and then she made a phone call to a colleague of hers, a plastic surgeon who was only one floor up in the CAM building at Siteman. I was amazed because we left one office and went directly to the plastic surgeon's office and literally waited maybe 10 minutes to be seen. I thought I would have time to take a few more pictures but seriously everything went so quick and smooth! We visited for a long time with Dr. B, a plastic surgeon about reconstruction. I had a lot of questions/concerns but ultimately felt much better about my decisions after visiting with Dr. B. So at this point, I am waiting on a phone call that coordinates both the oncology surgeon, the plastic surgeon and operating room availability. It could be up to 4 weeks wait. (Big sigh...again)  I was assured the urgency is not as great as I was told previously.  Again, we will have to wait for post-surgery results of lymph nodes to determine what treatment steps will be necessary. I feel so much about this decision to go to St. Louis!

Thank you again for all the cards, text messages, and Facebook comments.  I really appreciate all of you and knowing that so many care and are praying for myself and my family. At this point, I most likely will get to stay at school a few more weeks.  I am really glad because in Missouri 8th grade science students take a MAP (Missouri Assessment Program) test and I really want to continue preparing my students for this assessment.  Being a first-year teacher myself, all of this is new and I am eager to learn more along with my students. This makes me super happy knowing God cares about the smaller details in my world. Grateful for the support my school family has graciously offered to me in this uncertain time. (LMS family:  you know who you are!) I will update once again when I have more information everyone. Several have asked about how they can help our family during this season.  I am working on some ideas for this.  Stay tuned as I will be posting more about how you can each help.

Welcome to the Buffering Zone

 You know the feeling.  It's the one you get when the screen pauses, the little arrow circle spins in slow-motion, the video you are watching just stops playing and you have to wait.  You are waiting and waiting and you think to yourself will it ever load?  Is my connection down, is the internet broken, maybe my battery is running low, did I drop my WiFi and I'm roaming now??? Yeah, we've all been there.  Buffering is a lot like waiting.

I discovered something about the meaning of buffering -- the literal meaning of the word buffer as a verb, it means: to lessen or moderate the impact of something. Pondering that. I believe God has a purpose for all this buffering in my life.  All this time spent: waiting. Waiting for test results. Waiting for doctor appointments.  Waiting for surgery. Waiting for news, any news. It's in the waiting we learn life lessons, we hear the voice of God calling our name, we put our roots down a little deeper.

God is using the waiting time, this buffering, as a shield around me because if he was to deliver all the news at once it would be too much to handle. This is His way of teaching me to trust Him more, to prioritize what is important, to slow down and cherish each day, each moment, every memory. The buffering is like a protection zone.  It's the calm before the storm.  I know the storm is coming.  The hard part is coming. I keep telling myself to hold on.

Lamentations 3:5 "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him alone."

Psalm42:1 "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You O Lord."

How many deer do you see???

B: Brave, Bold, Breathe

U: Unity, Understanding, Undone

F: Faith, Family, Fullness

F: Fear, Fellowship, Future

E: Encouragement, Engagement, Epic

R: Rejoicing, Reading, Relaxing

I: Intercessor, Intelligent, Influential

N: Never-ending, New, Navigate

G: Goodness, Greatness, Grace

February 4, 2022, was the day I found out I had breast cancer.  It has been a long 39 days.  Today (3/15/2022) I go to Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis, MO, and meet with a new team of oncology doctors and surgeons. I am eager and filled with great anticipation for their advice and expertise.

I will post an update again when I have more information from my visit. Keep praying and posting comments. I love to hear from each of you!

Iron Sharpens Iron

After a 3 week battle with insurance over a needed medication for an iron infusion it was finally a go today.  My Oncology/Hematology Doctor here in West Plains wanted me to get a dose of Iron in a few weeks before surgery.  I have been struggling with iron deficiency anemia (IDA) for several years.  I believe it is just my genetic makeup. How God made me. For some reason with all that I have been through my Iron levels just haven't returned to a more normal level. I have had several of the classic symptoms of (IDA) and I don't tolerate oral iron pills. For those that don't know I had a planned hysterectomy in December of 2021. This was to alleviate some of my iron depletion issues. This is rather personal information but I'm trying to be an open book. If my story can help someone else wondering, waiting, hoping then I'm going to share. I feel amazing after this surgery.  Life changing. But again my iron levels were still low about 7 weeks post surgery.  

I just wasn't prepared for how I would feel today.  This type of Iron takes almost 5 hours to slowly infuse. It also has a higher risk category for allergic reactions.  Because of this I had to get a dose of liquid Benadryl (antihistamine), Dexamethasone (long-acting steroid). and some Tylenol. Thankfully my body was kind to me and I didn't have any allergic problems.  I just experienced the weird sensations of the drug cocktail I received.  My plans of sitting and reading, planning, and grading flew out the window. You feel so sleepy due to the Benadryl and this jittery un-nerving effect from the steroid.  I tolerated the infusion and called in back up to take me home. 

I did manage to get a quick a question off to my students back in science class.  Thought I would share that here:

We are learning about Atoms and the Periodic Table of Elements.  Nothing like a real life example to cement the learning goal for the day!

You may be wondering what Iron does in your body.  I have a great article if you care to read some cool science.  The American Society of Hematology (all about blood!) has lots of information.

I have been so blessed by so many of your kind words reaching out with love and support for me and my family.  The comments, text messages, and phone calls are amazing.  It is in times like these that we need each other.  I would just ask that you be respectful and sensitive to my kids.  We are trying to keep them from having un-necessary anxiety due to the connotation of the cancer word. We have a great support system and truly appreciate every one of you.  When we get closer to surgery date and recovery we will be cashing in al the many offers for help.

Proverbs 27:17 

We know that when two knives are rubbed together it enables the iron to be sharper, making the knives more efficient to cut and slice. God's word is a double-edge sword. It is what we use as our guide to teach, encourage, and correct. 

Hebrews 4:12 

We are to sharpen one another when we meet together in fellowship. This may look a little different to us these days as some of our fellowship activities have ben disrupted due to COVID related issues.  We have to be intentional in seeking out fellow iron sharpeners. I'm glad to have you joining me on this journey. It is my heart to be open, real, authentic, fresh, and inspiring. I love to read your comments, so keep on keeping on!

Keep the prayers coming! 14 days until my next appointment.  I am still waiting on some testing to be completed. 

Again...

Those words were spoken over the phone....you have cancer. Wait what did she just say?  Can you repeat that? My heart is beating so loud that I didn't hear that correctly, right? Clearly this isn't happening to me.

 Again. 

    Again. 

She repeats, the written words of  the initial pathology report: invasive ductal carcinoma of the breast.  I'm sorry to report this news -- it is breast cancer. I'm numb all over. Please wake me from this bad, bad dream. This has already been on my "not to do ever again bucket list"...again? Deep breath. Inhale slowly.  The tears are hot and salty. It's happening again. 

Heartbroken doesn't even begin to describe the amount of pain, disappointment, anxiety and fear that came flooding over me. 

But God....

I sit looking out my bedroom window at the snow covered ground, no leaves on the trees, just a blanket of white, seemingly enveloping the ground beneath its deceiving covers.  Winter is tucking away Spring for a bit longer it appears. The end of February is coming to an end like a cheating Valentine. It's icy cold outside, just like my aching, breaking heart, shattered in a million pieces.  Black birds swarm the white ground hoping to find a meal. I silently whisper, how I wish I could fly away like the birds do. But clearly I'm jolted awake from my bad dream, I'm reminded not like the birds but like the tree.  The birds are now perched high in the branches of a great oak tree sitting along the fence line in the pasture.  Be like the tree planted firmly, roots deep, the seasons come and go, the tree is not moved.  Be like the tree planted by the rivers of water that bring forth fruit in season.  All I really want to do is pull the covers up from my white comforter, and disappear. This was all ready on the "not to do bucket list" ever again.

 Again.

 But God has a different plan for me.

 Again. 

Be like the tree. A picture of strong faith enduring through the changing seasons. I didn't choose this path, it chose me.   I am reminded that I am His poiema, His workmanship created to do good works for Him, to be a light, a beacon to those around me of hope and strength.  Just like the tree that has strong branches for the birds.

Now I must embark on another journey of knowing, understanding, refining of my faith.  

Faith.

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrew 11:1

I can't see the future. But I know who does.

I can look back at the evidence of His faithfulness in my own life.

I can stand on faith.

God is good 

God is love

God is faithful

We are called to live in a way the reflects what He has done for each of us.  Jesus came to be the perfect sacrifice on our behalf so that He might cleanse us from our sin and present us to the Father holy and blameless. Jesus redeemed us with His precious blood so we can live a holy life.

But all the heartache gets in the way. I am not alone in my brokenness and heart ache.

Brokenness comes in many packages.  Diagnosis of cancer. End of a marriage. A wayward child. Harsh reality of war. As the headlines read even now and the bombs break through hearts and homes on foreign soil, none of us are immune to brokenness.  It cuts deep.  Hits us smack in the heart of it. Stop you dead-cold.  Your life shattered in a million pieces.  As the pain wells up and the tears brim over the eyelids and fall, fall, fall, and crash down there are more questions than answers to life's rhetorical questions. This is a fallen world.  Sin demands death. 

For such a time as this...we are told trials will come.

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ, whom having not seen you love.  Though now you do not see Him, yet believing, you rejoice with joy inexpressible and full of glory, receiving the end of your faith - the salvation of your souls." 1 Peter 1:6-9

So these trials come to test our faith like the refining process of gold. The genuineness of your faith.  What is your faith built on? It's about to get really hot.  Gold is prized for it's beauty.  Gold is a unique metal. Gold conducts heat and electricity. Gold is ductile and can be drawn to a thin wire. It is highly reflective of heat and light. Gold is malleable, so it can be flattened into extremely thin sheets. Gold melts at 1,945 degrees Fahrenheit.

No wonder God uses gold as an example of how he wants to refine me.  In the end beauty. Conducts and reflects heat and light.  Sounds like a familiar saying. Malleable -- mold me, shape me, stretch me, grow me. Drawn to a thin wire. Again, like a tree standing strong through the seasons.

Here is what I know:

This has been caught due to a routine yearly mammogram. I do not have a stage of this cancer as that can only be determined by testing lymph nodes.  It is called invasive ductal carcinoma grade 3. I still have tests being done to help make more decisions. This cancer requires surgery to remove the area affected. I have decided to pursue treatment/surgery at the Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis, Missouri.  At this point I don't know if I will need chemotherapy as that depends on the lymph nodes.  I want to be as aggressive as possible to fight this. This hospital is part of Washington University Medical School as well as Barnes-Jewish Hospital.  It is a premier center for treating cancer. I have an appointment for March 15 for a consultation.  I hope to have a surgery date after that visit. 

Some of you may not know my previous battle with cancer in 2011, when I was diagnosed with stage 3B colon cancer. You can read about that in past blog entries and on the right hand side of the blog "My Cancer Story." 

Thank you to so many who have reached out with cards, txt messages, and emails.  I am overwhelmed by your love and support.  I am sorry if you are reading this here and I wasn't able to tell each of you personally.  It just isn't possible.  I plan to keep writing and updating.

Seven Years - Peace in the Valley

Foggy Morning

Today is May 13, 2018.  Seven years ago today my life and my family's life was forever changed by the diagnosis of cancer.  Today just also happens to be Mother's Day.  I can't think of a better way to celebrate seven years cancer free -- than being a Mom. God saw me through a very difficult time as a Mother and blessed me with two sons. So much has happened in the last seven years that God has been planning it amazes me.  For those that don't know my entire cancer story you can read the side bar titled "My Cancer Story."  I know God has been preparing me to write and return to blogging.  I don't know if anyone really reads this but here goes...It is pressing on my heart and mind to write more often about my journey battling cancer and being a cancer survivor.  Many have asked me to write about life on a cattle ranch here in Peace Valley Missouri. Devotionals regarding being a wife, mom and woman in Christ seem to be top on the list. I want to explore the topics of ranch life (like being a "real" pioneer woman). You know I love to cook, play in the garden and take pictures of my crazy messy blessed life. Id' love to hear from you.  If there is something you want let me know.

Late September

Feeding Heifers

Boys and Mom

Missouri Cattlemen

October Leaves

November Leaves

 So why Missouri? That is the biggest question everyone asks me.  We moved from Southern Idaho to Missouri in August of 2017.  Many factors played in to our decision to move.  The best and simplest reason is this: God told us to.  Yes God said go to Missouri! So here we are in Southeast Missouri just North of West Plains in a community called Peace Valley.  There is such a place as Peace Valley and yes it is peaceful here! After running a crazy schedule for so many years God has provided a place of rest for our family.  We are enjoying our daily routine of taking care of our cattle as a full time job as a family.  God began to prepare us for this task many years ago. We are applying the skills we have learned over the years to accomplish this now.

This area of Missouri is known for rich pasture ground able to support beef cattle. It rains in Howell County about 47 inches per year.  That is a drastic change from Southern Idaho at a meager 9.36 inches per year. Needless to say there is no need to irrigate here! God sends the rain to water the earth in due time. We are so glad to not have to irrigate twice a day here. They say we are always 10 days away from drought here so the importance of praying for rain is a real thing.  Currently we need rain, so join me in praying for rain in Peace Valley!

You can read more HERE about the land in Missouri and why we chose to move to the Ozarks to run a cattle ranch. This is an article about native grasses by the Missouri Department of Conservation.  Our cattle ranch has fescue grass and timber ground mixed in each pasture.  The forest ground is diverse! I am learning to identify many varieties of trees.  When we arrived in the late summer early fall and the leaves were still on.  Then winter came and leaves fell to the forest floor.  Now it is late Spring and the forest is full of life and leaves have returned and flowering trees have bloomed.  It is so beautiful! Surprisingly the cattle love to sit under these big oak trees and find shade from the hot sun. It is not so easy to count the cows and find everyone with the trees.  It is easy to forget you are on a cattle ranch and might mistake it for a state or national forest. This girl is so overwhelmed with he new flora and fauna to learn! My botany skills are being sharpened and I am enjoying the challenge of a new ecosystem to learn and appreciate.

Iris just bloomed!

Stay tuned for more updates soon.  I am working on writing some more devotional material in a series format that will build on a concept and specific section of scripture.  God has been teaching me so many things and I have crazy notes all over the place to organize.

For now I will leave you with this thought ---

Psalm 24 1:6

New Living Translation

A psalm of David.

1The earth is the LORD’s, and everything in it.

The world and all its people belong to him.

2For he laid the earth’s foundation on the seas

and built it on the ocean depths.

3Who may climb the mountain of the LORD?

Who may stand in his holy place?

4Only those whose hands and hearts are pure,

who do not worship idols

and never tell lies.

5They will receive the LORD’s blessing

and have a right relationship with God their savior.

6Such people may seek you

and worship in your presence, O God of Jacob.

We are blessed to be here in Peace Valley, Missouri -- so thankful for the many friends we had to leave in Idaho and the new friends we have met and are getting to know here now.  

Psalm 50:10-11

English Standard Version

God Himself Is Judge

A Psalm of Asaph.

10For every beast of the forest is mine,
the cattle on a thousand hills.
11I know all the birds of the hills,
and all that moves in the field is mine.

May

Ditch the Fig Leaves this Christmas

This is the season of giving and receiving.  Making lists and checking them twice.  So much pressure we put upon ourselves to be perfect.  Perfect cards, perfect desserts, perfect outfits, perfect hair, perfect kids, perfect gifts...it's all perfect.  Or is it?  I'm tired of the perfection game.  Perfection is something we strive for but never attain.  We miss the Perfect gift of Christmas busying ourselves trying to "be perfect" and before long we are wiped out well before the twenty-fifth of December. Why do we make ourselves crazy this time of year more than any other time?  We want our families to appear happy, our homes beautifully decorated minus any life clutter popping out of closets and drawers and the kids on their best behavior because we have bribed them with lots of candy. Who are we really trying to fool? Why does the fig leaf come out this time of year and try to hide the truth of who we really are?

It's no secret that Adam and Eve made fig leaves because they were afraid (Genesis 3: 10) What were they afraid of?  Afraid that God would no longer love them. Afraid that if God really knew them and saw them for who they really were -- He may not like them. Friends I think it is the same for us...fear of rejection.  Rejection that God wouldn't like me, rejection that those around me wouldn't like me anymore.  The truth is God all ready knows what we are and He loves us just the same. Ever since that day in the garden when Eve took the fruit and ate it and shared it with her husband mankind has been hiding out.  Covering up with fig leaves. The problem isn't in the fig leaves it's in our thinking.

I can't let others see the real me, because they won't like the real me.

Christmas cards with perfect smiling faces and fresh clothes all matching -- picture perfect perfection, but is it real?

Oh thanks to Pinterest I can pin my way to perfection: homemade crafts and goodies to eat but is it really sweet?

Presents wrapped up with ribbons and bows out of guilt to give above and beyond my means in order to please others. Come January will they even remember who the gift was from?

There is a measure of dysfunction in all of us.  We are broken people in desperate need of a Savior.  So why this time of year do we hum the tune of Silent Night when we are screaming on the inside of all the un-holy in us and hide once again behind fig leaves?  Our thinking is all messed up.  We don't need to perform better but receive better.  It's the Gift we keep rejecting.  The Gift of God's love is free - but we reject it before we can unwrap all that is there!

John 3:16 NKJV - "For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."

Christmas is all about believing the Gift.  The gift of a baby sent from heaven to save the world from it's sin and sure death.  The story of Christmas began way back in the beginning.  Back in the garden with the fig leaves.  God knew that Adam and Eve would fall and be afraid.  He had a plan to bring the best Gift of salvation to mankind. Hiding leads to more hiding and playing this game of perfectionism. It leaves you feeling ashamed, alone, isolated and fearful.

 Genesis 3:7-10 NKJV - Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they knew that they [were] naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves coverings. And they heard the sound of the LORD God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and Adam and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the LORD God among the trees of the garden. Then the LORD God called to Adam and said to him, "Where [are] you?" So he said, "I heard Your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."

We don't need to be afraid of being real -- being naked about who we really are.  Hiding behind fig leaves prevents you from being really naked.  Exposing the truth of who you really are immediately makes you vulnerable, open and free.  God sees it all. The truth is we don't like how we feel when we are hiding.  When we confess our hiding we experience freedom and healing.

James 5:16 ESV - "Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working."

So friends this Christmas stop hiding and be real!  Find a friend to be real with and stop playing the game of perfectionism.  Be real.  I dare you to be transparent.  Stop doing all the motions of Christmas with a fake heart and fig leaves tied up to cover your imperfections.  Hey we are ALL sinners saved by grace. We need healing this Christmas.  Healing from our addiction to perfectionism.

Luke 2:8-11 NKJV - "Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. "For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord."

You can find the words "do not be afraid" even in the Christmas story.  Be brave have courage and fear not! The Shepherds are a great example to us.  They were willing to go just as the angel told them.  They did no hiding, no fake photo ops just pure authentic shepherds praising the saviors birth.  What a glorious picture for us.  

I'm still working on writing my Christmas letter and waiting for the family photo card I ordered just this week to arrive.  I need to buy stamps and make my address list.  There are endless shopping lists, presents to buy, parties to attend and the never ending chores of the everyday still have to be done. I choose to be naked and openly say I am not perfect.  I still don't have a Christmas tree yet and the lights we bought to put outside are still in the box.  I have grand plans for using that secret Pinterest board on the best  Christmas cookies and homemade gifts to make for all my friends -- but this year it just may not happen.  Sorry friends!  I choose the best Gift: Jesus over perfection and I'm ditching the fig leaves.

"I don't want a Christmas you can buy.

I don't want a Christmas you can make.

What I want for Christmas is a Christmas I can hold.

A Christmas that holds me, remakes me, revives me.

I want a Christmas that whispers , Jesus!"

---Ann Voskamp The Greatest Gift

Merry Christmas!

Let the Children Come

There is a big difference between being tired and burned out.  I am physically tired due to this season of life with a little 16 month old running around.  Zachariah is into everything.  I mean EVERYTHING.  I also have the privilege of homeschooling my oldest boy Dustin.  This also is a task that requires self-sacrifice and huge time commitment.  I don't do it alone, which I am thankful for, but it does mean I have to prioritize my day. The last few days have been crazy to say the least.  We have been trying to get a backyard project completed all summer long and well the timing wasn't perfect but, we finally got a concrete patio poured in our backyard.  The thing about it is that means the dogs, all 4 of them can't be in the yard for 3 days.  In case you don't live in an area that is receiving an arctic blast let me just tell you it's cold, bone chilling cold. Right now it's 11 degrees. Winter blew in and settled in.  So the last few nights I have spent time bundling myself up to take trips outside with dogs who are not leash trained in any fashion to go potty.  This routine of going outside is filled with drama.  It is not an easy feat to take one dog because all four of them want to go at the same time.  Try doing this at 2 am half asleep and trying to keep quiet so you don't wake the rest of the house! I have spent two times now chasing dogs who seem to have a mind of their own and want to taste freedom.  This makes me tired!

I've been working on some ideas for children's ministry at church lately.  I was recently challenged by my husband to figure out why the disciples prevented the little children from coming to Jesus.  Why would they do this?  I mean it's Jesus - the man who heals the lame, sick and blind.  Why would they say we don't want any kids here? It was the disciples telling the parents, we don't want your kids here.

[Matthew 19:13 NKJV] "Then little children were brought to Him that He might put [His] hands on them and pray, but the disciples rebuked them." [Matthew 19:14 NKJV] "But Jesus said, "Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven."" [Matthew 19:15 NKJV] "And He laid [His] hands on them and departed from there."

Looking at verse 13 we have a key word: then. You see Jesus was busy.  He was up over his eye-balls in day to day ministry activities.  Let's face it, He was busy doing miracles, preaching and teaching and traveling.  He had just finished dealing with a question about divorce from the pharisees.  Before that he was in Galilee and traveled to Judea beyond the Jordan.  This was a journey on foot that normally took two and a half days, roughly 70  miles as a straight path.  But this meant going through the region of Samaria.  Jews would take the long route to avoid Samaria.  They traveled the hot desert road from Jerusalem to Jericho, and up the Jordan valley.  This route would be twice as long and much hotter and more uncomfortable. This means Jesus just spent four days give or take out in the desert walking and entered into ministering to the people immediately upon arrival to the Jordan area.

This reminds me of another time the Lord was traveling from Galilee to the Jordan area.  Except this time he traveled through Samaria. Jesus cut right through on a straight path to a well outside of town for an important encounter. There was a woman coming to the well to draw water.

[John 4:3 NKJV] "He left Judea and departed again to Galilee." [John 4:4 NKJV] "But He needed to go through Samaria." [John 4:5 NKJV] "So He came to a city of Samaria which is called Sychar, near the plot of ground that Jacob gave to his son Joseph."

[John 4:6 NKJV] "Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from [His] journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour." [John 4:7 NKJV] "A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give Me a drink."" [John 4:8 NKJV] "For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food."

Jesus was tired.  Physically tired from walking in the hot desert sun and now apparently hungry and thirsty.  The disciples go off into town to buy some food as Jesus sits down by the well. It's noon and the well should be vacant, but it's not.

[John 4:6 NKJV] "Now Jacob's well was there. Jesus therefore, being wearied from [His] journey, sat thus by the well. It was about the sixth hour." [John 4:7 NKJV] "A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give Me a drink.""

[John 4:8 NKJV] "For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food."

[John 4:9 NKJV] "Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, "How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans." [John 4:10 NKJV] "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.""

The point is this: even though Jesus was weary from his traveling, his teaching schedule and constant discussions with the pharisees he still did the will of the Father.  He was still doing ministry.

Jesus was weary in the ministry, not of the ministry.

[John 4:7 NKJV] "A woman of Samaria came to draw water. Jesus said to her, "Give Me a drink.""[John 4:8 NKJV] "For His disciples had gone away into the city to buy food."

[John 4:9 NKJV] "Then the woman of Samaria said to Him, "How is it that You, being a Jew, ask a drink from me, a Samaritan woman?" For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans."[John 4:10 NKJV] "Jesus answered and said to her, "If you knew the gift of God, and who it is who says to you, 'Give Me a drink,' you would have asked Him, and He would have given you living water.""

Jesus goes on to explain to this woman all the details of her life and really takes her to the Living Well. This is in spite of his physical condition.  He worked past it. At the end of the passage we catch a glimpse of how he was able to accomplish this.  The disciples didn't understand.  They thought someone else brought him food to eat.

[John 4:31 NKJV] "In the meantime His disciples urged Him, saying, "Rabbi, eat.""

[John 4:32 NKJV] "But He said to them, "I have food to eat of which you do not know.""

[John 4:33 NKJV] "Therefore the disciples said to one another, "Has anyone brought Him [anything] to eat?""[John 4:34 NKJV] "Jesus said to them, "My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me, and to finish His work."

The secret to not becoming weary of the ministry is to continually do the will of the Father.

[Matthew 6:33 NKJV]

 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

If God has called you to something He will be faithful to equip you as you serve. The hard part is staying committed to the calling.  Continually doing the will of the Father has some amazing benefits both here on earth and later for heaven.

So back to why the disciples were telling parents to keep the kids away from Jesus.  I think the disciples were tired also and just hadn't figured out how to continually do the will of the Father and not be weary of the ministry. One bonus we have now is the power of the Holy Spirit in us to give us power to accomplish His will. There are lots of things in this world that can cause us to become tired. We just have to keep our focus so we don't loose sight of the prize ahead.  In children's ministry it's no different.  It seems like a revolving door.  No one wants the job of Sunday school teacher. The job of teaching kids isn't the most visible position of leadership.  Yet even Jesus wasn't too busy to lay hands and pray over the children.  We shouldn't be either.

[Galatians 6:9 NKJV]

 "And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart."

So the question I have is how committed are you? Are you weary of the ministry or weary in the ministry? We must take time to seek first the kingdom of God which requires praying, reading the Word and waiting for Him to respond. Let's not loose heart. The children are important.