Saturday, June 25, 2011
A common prayer I muster is found in Psalms 90:10, "Teach me Lord to number my days that I may gain a heart of wisdom." This helps me keep balance in a crazy schedule. It's like feeling pressure from outside sources to perform under some magical stage light. It's the notion in our culture to BE everything to everyone. To BE the perfect wife, mother, witness, student, worshiper, prayer warrior etc. It hit me like a ton of bricks one day...this whole ordeal of now having cancer--teach me Lord to number my days-- flashes of a shortened life, deep questions of why me, reflections on past choices I have made all flooding my mind. And then His still small voice pierced through all my raging thoughts like a tidal wave. He spoke to me about Seasons of Life. That this Season would be different. That this Season would be a about dormancy. Many of you know about my love for plants. I studied botany in college for those who did not know this about me. Anyway I had a very clear vision from the Lord about this Season I have entered. It is a picture of a fruit tree in it's dormant season. I understand this is a time of rest. The fruit tree's job during dormancy is below the surface, naked to the human eye. To the Father it is sinking it's roots deep into the ground in search of water and nutrients. It also is a time to deepen my roots and search for the Living Water. Psalm 1:2-3, "But his delight is in the law of the Lord and on his law he meditate day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water which yields it fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." This has been a favorite passage to me, I love the picture and rich symbolism. So I know that this Season of resting is about personal growth -- a thirst for water to nourish my soul. Psalm 42:1, "As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." There is more. What is the fruit tree preparing for? Another season of fruit! The tree is storing all these nutrients and water so it can produce new nodes, buds, develop leaves and blossoms. The good gardener will come and prune just before the buds appear...giving new shape to the fruit tree. I had to take a deep breath at this point. I know the Master gardener comes to prune away things of my heart, getting rid of character flaws, showing me where I am unlike Him. John 15:1-2, "I am the true vine and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." It is this process of pruning that can be painful...the word suffering comes to mind. The fruit tree blossoms are fragrant and beautiful to look at. Do I really want to trade my sorrows for dancing and praise? Isn't God in the business of turning ashes into beauty? Spring will certainly come. Seasons only last for a while. During this season of dromancy it is my hope and prayer to rest in Him, to learn more about myself and to enjoy this Season.