Attitude and Altitude

After waiting another long week, I finally have a surgery date of April 18, the day after Easter. Let the countdown begin!  So 22 days of waiting, pondering, and lots of praying.  

I have really been struggling with my attitude and feeling sorry for myself  It is easy to get in a funk mentally and extremely difficult to fight out of it. The battlefield of your mind is a real thing. The enemy uses our thoughts to plant ideas that are in direct conflict with God’s Word. I thought I would share a few ways I’m constantly battling the enemy. It seems that I have a target on my back as well as my mind.  First, you have to start with your identity. Ask yourself, “who am I?” Who I am can be found on many pages of the Word. God tells me over and over again who I am in Christ.  Secondly, you have to recognize the enemy is at work trying to destroy you from the inside out. Call it what it is.  Call out the enemy for being a liar.  Third, you need to replace those negative thoughts with the truth.

WHO I AM IN CHRIST ORIGINALLY COMPILED BY NEIL ANDERSON

I AM ACCEPTED... John 1:12 I am God's child. John 15:15 As a disciple, I am a friend of Jesus Christ. Romans 5:1 I have been justified (declared righteous). 1 Corinthians 6:17 I am united with the Lord, and I am one with Him in spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 I have been bought with a price and I belong to God. 1 Corinthians 12:27 I am a member of Christ's body. Ephesians 1:3-8 I have been chosen by God and adopted as His child. Colossians 1:13-14 I have been redeemed and forgiven of all my sins. Colossians 2:9-10 I am complete in Christ. Hebrews 4:14-16 I have direct access to the throne of grace through Jesus Christ. 

I AM SECURE... Romans 8:1-2 I am free from condemnation. Romans 8:28 I am assured that God works for my good in all circumstances. Romans 8:31-39 I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 I have been established, anointed, and sealed by God. Colossians 3:1-4 I am hidden with Christ in God. Philippians 1:6 I am confident that God will complete the good work He started in me. Philippians 3:20 I am a citizen of heaven. 2 Timothy 1:7 I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. 1 John 5:18 I am born of God and the evil one cannot touch me. 

 I AM SIGNIFICANT... John 15:5 I am a branch of Jesus Christ, the true vine, and a channel of His life. John 15:16 I have been chosen and appointed to bear fruit. 1 Corinthians 3:16 I am God's temple. 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 I am a minister of reconciliation for God. Ephesians 2:6 I am seated with Jesus Christ in the heavenly realm. Ephesians 2:10 I am God's workmanship. Ephesians 3:12 I may approach God with freedom and confidence. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.

These simple truths remind me of who I am in Christ.  God is in control, and I am not. I can't change my circumstances, but I can change my attitude about the circumstance. When my attitude is positive and focused on Christ my circumstances don't own me.  I agree with Jon Courson, when he states, "Because we exist for God, gang (not the other way around), our part is to say, 'However He wants to direct His drama on the stage of my life, be it a comedy or a tragedy, so be it.'" 

Keep the faith, fight the good fight, and control your attitude -- God will take care of the details.  

"You're attitude determines you're altitude."  Zig Ziglar

Siteman Cancer Center - Update from March 15

Yesterday was a wonderful day.  We were seen quickly by the oncology surgeon who was caring, compassionate, and easy to talk to.  Dr. M was everything I expected and then some.  She reassured this Google searching crazy science girl to not stress. Not a problem at all to have a bilateral mastectomy! She has been practicing for over 20 years and can't say "definitely" but with some confidence, this type of cancer has been detected early and we are in no hurry to operate. 

With that said I am still waiting for a surgery date.  (Big sigh....)

I did not need any additional imaging tests done yesterday. We visited for some time in her office and then she made a phone call to a colleague of hers, a plastic surgeon who was only one floor up in the CAM building at Siteman. I was amazed because we left one office and went directly to the plastic surgeon's office and literally waited maybe 10 minutes to be seen. I thought I would have time to take a few more pictures but seriously everything went so quick and smooth! We visited for a long time with Dr. B, a plastic surgeon about reconstruction. I had a lot of questions/concerns but ultimately felt much better about my decisions after visiting with Dr. B. So at this point, I am waiting on a phone call that coordinates both the oncology surgeon, the plastic surgeon and operating room availability. It could be up to 4 weeks wait. (Big sigh...again)  I was assured the urgency is not as great as I was told previously.  Again, we will have to wait for post-surgery results of lymph nodes to determine what treatment steps will be necessary. I feel so much about this decision to go to St. Louis!

Thank you again for all the cards, text messages, and Facebook comments.  I really appreciate all of you and knowing that so many care and are praying for myself and my family. At this point, I most likely will get to stay at school a few more weeks.  I am really glad because in Missouri 8th grade science students take a MAP (Missouri Assessment Program) test and I really want to continue preparing my students for this assessment.  Being a first-year teacher myself, all of this is new and I am eager to learn more along with my students. This makes me super happy knowing God cares about the smaller details in my world. Grateful for the support my school family has graciously offered to me in this uncertain time. (LMS family:  you know who you are!) I will update once again when I have more information everyone. Several have asked about how they can help our family during this season.  I am working on some ideas for this.  Stay tuned as I will be posting more about how you can each help.

Welcome to the Buffering Zone

 You know the feeling.  It's the one you get when the screen pauses, the little arrow circle spins in slow-motion, the video you are watching just stops playing and you have to wait.  You are waiting and waiting and you think to yourself will it ever load?  Is my connection down, is the internet broken, maybe my battery is running low, did I drop my WiFi and I'm roaming now??? Yeah, we've all been there.  Buffering is a lot like waiting.

I discovered something about the meaning of buffering -- the literal meaning of the word buffer as a verb, it means: to lessen or moderate the impact of something. Pondering that. I believe God has a purpose for all this buffering in my life.  All this time spent: waiting. Waiting for test results. Waiting for doctor appointments.  Waiting for surgery. Waiting for news, any news. It's in the waiting we learn life lessons, we hear the voice of God calling our name, we put our roots down a little deeper.

God is using the waiting time, this buffering, as a shield around me because if he was to deliver all the news at once it would be too much to handle. This is His way of teaching me to trust Him more, to prioritize what is important, to slow down and cherish each day, each moment, every memory. The buffering is like a protection zone.  It's the calm before the storm.  I know the storm is coming.  The hard part is coming. I keep telling myself to hold on.

Lamentations 3:5 "The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him."

Psalm 62:5 "My soul, waits silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him alone."

Psalm42:1 "As the deer pants for the water brooks, so my soul pants for You O Lord."

How many deer do you see???

B: Brave, Bold, Breathe

U: Unity, Understanding, Undone

F: Faith, Family, Fullness

F: Fear, Fellowship, Future

E: Encouragement, Engagement, Epic

R: Rejoicing, Reading, Relaxing

I: Intercessor, Intelligent, Influential

N: Never-ending, New, Navigate

G: Goodness, Greatness, Grace

February 4, 2022, was the day I found out I had breast cancer.  It has been a long 39 days.  Today (3/15/2022) I go to Siteman Cancer Center in St. Louis, MO, and meet with a new team of oncology doctors and surgeons. I am eager and filled with great anticipation for their advice and expertise.

I will post an update again when I have more information from my visit. Keep praying and posting comments. I love to hear from each of you!

Iron Sharpens Iron

After a 3 week battle with insurance over a needed medication for an iron infusion it was finally a go today.  My Oncology/Hematology Doctor here in West Plains wanted me to get a dose of Iron in a few weeks before surgery.  I have been struggling with iron deficiency anemia (IDA) for several years.  I believe it is just my genetic makeup. How God made me. For some reason with all that I have been through my Iron levels just haven't returned to a more normal level. I have had several of the classic symptoms of (IDA) and I don't tolerate oral iron pills. For those that don't know I had a planned hysterectomy in December of 2021. This was to alleviate some of my iron depletion issues. This is rather personal information but I'm trying to be an open book. If my story can help someone else wondering, waiting, hoping then I'm going to share. I feel amazing after this surgery.  Life changing. But again my iron levels were still low about 7 weeks post surgery.  

I just wasn't prepared for how I would feel today.  This type of Iron takes almost 5 hours to slowly infuse. It also has a higher risk category for allergic reactions.  Because of this I had to get a dose of liquid Benadryl (antihistamine), Dexamethasone (long-acting steroid). and some Tylenol. Thankfully my body was kind to me and I didn't have any allergic problems.  I just experienced the weird sensations of the drug cocktail I received.  My plans of sitting and reading, planning, and grading flew out the window. You feel so sleepy due to the Benadryl and this jittery un-nerving effect from the steroid.  I tolerated the infusion and called in back up to take me home. 

I did manage to get a quick a question off to my students back in science class.  Thought I would share that here:

We are learning about Atoms and the Periodic Table of Elements.  Nothing like a real life example to cement the learning goal for the day!

You may be wondering what Iron does in your body.  I have a great article if you care to read some cool science.  The American Society of Hematology (all about blood!) has lots of information.

I have been so blessed by so many of your kind words reaching out with love and support for me and my family.  The comments, text messages, and phone calls are amazing.  It is in times like these that we need each other.  I would just ask that you be respectful and sensitive to my kids.  We are trying to keep them from having un-necessary anxiety due to the connotation of the cancer word. We have a great support system and truly appreciate every one of you.  When we get closer to surgery date and recovery we will be cashing in al the many offers for help.

Proverbs 27:17 

We know that when two knives are rubbed together it enables the iron to be sharper, making the knives more efficient to cut and slice. God's word is a double-edge sword. It is what we use as our guide to teach, encourage, and correct. 

Hebrews 4:12 

We are to sharpen one another when we meet together in fellowship. This may look a little different to us these days as some of our fellowship activities have ben disrupted due to COVID related issues.  We have to be intentional in seeking out fellow iron sharpeners. I'm glad to have you joining me on this journey. It is my heart to be open, real, authentic, fresh, and inspiring. I love to read your comments, so keep on keeping on!

Keep the prayers coming! 14 days until my next appointment.  I am still waiting on some testing to be completed.