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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Knowing Real Peace

It is hard to describe how I feel. My feelings change by the moment. Everyone wants to know, it's the million dollar question, "how is Anna feeling today?" It is not a simple answer. I have such a respect for the many other cancer survivors that have gone before me on this journey. It is difficult. No journey is the same. I remain determined to press on and not look around but up. I have many of the expected symptoms from the chemo drugs. Mainly I have a complete loss of appetite, nothing tastes good at all. Nausea seems to come in waves. As quick as it comes, it leaves again. The medication is working to keep me from actually carrying through with the feeling...praising God for this! I am sensitive to cold to the touch as well as to my mouth. This is making my job of eating a little difficult as a milkshake sounds somewhat appealing...but too cold to drink. I am very tired and have slept much of the day. I feel like I am having one of those "out-of--body-experiences"...for real. I am present but in a fog. So weird! I keep telling myself this is only the beginning. I am confident in the Doctor's care, my family support, and church prayer warrior's over my everyday well being. Most of all I am at perfect peace. It is unexplainable unless you know Peace yourself. God knows my every need even before I do. He waits expectantly for me to just ask. (Read Matthew 6:25-34) His grace is sufficient at my greatest time of need. I was able to pick up the guitar today and play a few songs. Oh it felt so good to escape into His presence. Nothing like it. It is good to be near God.
"Not only so, but we rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us." Romans 5:3-5