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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Seasons Change

As I sit here early this morning it is a chilly 26 degrees outside.  The fire is crackling in the wood stove, dogs still curled up in their beds, little boy still peacefully lost in dreams.  All is calm, for the moment.  I tell myself over and over again...be still, listen, wait...and so I wait.  The leaves outside have turned to gold, orange, red and  yellow hues.  The wind has come and blown millions of leaves all over the yard like a carpet rug.  Yes fall has arrived.  Seasons change.  The daylight hours are shorter and the sun rises later in the mornings and sets earlier in the evening.  Darkness comes sooner.  Time hasn't changed, just the season.  I am enjoying the moments of fall.  Pumpkins lined up welcoming friends. Piles of neatly stacked firewood. The sounds of choppers, trucks and tractors: harvest time. I sip some hot tea and feel the warmth it brings.  This is the holy whisper of fall.  I don't want to miss is.  Come, take and learn from me are the words I hear over and over in my head.  My thoughts wonder like the dancing leaves outside.  Fear of the unknown.  Worry. Doubts. Regrets. But in this moment all thoughts are taken captive.  "He changes times and seasons, he sets up kings and deposes them.  He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning. He reveals deep and hidden things, he knows what lies in darkness, and light dwells with him." Daniel 2:21-22 So I wait a while longer for wisdom to arrive.  She comes.  The orange and red flames from the fire and the glow from my laptop are my only light.  Darkness vanishes.  Light appears.  He is the light.  "You oh LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light." Psalm 18:28 I feel refreshed.  I step outside to get a glimpse of the moon light, but he is hidden.  Billions of twinkling stars meet my gaze instead.  Sometimes wisdom stays hidden.  Like a treasure chest hidden deep beneath the ground.  It takes time to learn, search and discover.  This is why I have hidden His Word in my heart.  For I know some seasons are dark.  I am thankful that this season of my life has not been dark.  My only safety net against the storms of life: His Word. The world encroaches on my light; hoping to steal, kill and destroy my joy.  Outside the season is changing but inside my heart the dance continues.  God uses His creation to speak to man.  "For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities - his eternal power and divine nature - have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse." Romans 1:20 This is where God speaks.  The falling leaves, the chilled air, the stars -- it's all an expression of His character and love for me, for us all. I learn more about my God by observing the season change before my very eyes.  He grants light so I can see from His perspective.  I discover that He is good.  "How great is your goodness which you have stored up for those who fear you, which you bestow in the sight of men  on those who take refuge in you." Psalm 31:19 The blessings continue to flow.  His goodness I can't contain.  I smile and sip more tea.  I am confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. I wait for the LORD, I am strong, I take heart and continue to wait...this season will change.

I am hopeful that today will bring round 7 of chemo.  Waiting...season of my life! 

After much waiting and fervent prayers the oncology doctor okay-ed my chemo treatment today.  My Platelet levels were at 98 K/uL. Dr. P told me she would do chemo above 90, but that is close.  So I did get my treatment and I am home now.  Time will tell what the platelets will do.  More waiting is in store!  I ate a plate of mashed potatoes for diner and now off to glorious sleep.  Love you all so much!