For me there has been this huge let down of emotions after the climax of completing my chemo treatments. Time is ticking away...I can hardly believe it has been two months since my last chemo treatment. Everyday I am feeling better and stronger. I am gaining endurance and strength has returned. My year off sabbatical has come to an end! I am trying to balance my responsibilities and gauging my level of strength. Not easy to do. Everyone keeps telling me how great I look. My hair is growing and is much darker than before chemo. My weight has bounced back and I am content with where it sits now. Daily I struggle with food and how my body reacts to what I put inside the tank. It's a game of cat and mouse. Some days are better than others. I have been juicing and making fruit/veggie smoothies to eat. These are super delicious and loaded with vitamins, minerals and fiber. This approach is a lifestyle change that I am openly embracing.
I don't want to forget the places this journey with cancer has taken me. I don't want to waste the opportunities that surround me to share my story. Yet with wisdom perched on my shoulder I know my limits and when it is wise to unplug. So that is what I have done these last two months. I have not checked email, Facebook and my blog as frequently. I have focused my time and energy on getting stronger and healthier each day. I have focused on my family and their needs. We are all learning as a family what I am capable of doing now.
I am eager to get working outside in the garden and around the house. I have a long list of to-dos! The weather is slowly warming up and the weeds are growing like crazy. The tulips are rising tall out of the ground as they seek more sunlight. Buds are emerging on trees and the hay fields are turning bright green. Seasons do change. So it is for me, the seasons of this last year filled with diagnosis, waiting, surgery, more waiting and then chemo. It only lasted for a season.
I have spent a lot of time just pondering the deep things of life. Things like dreams, hopes and goals for the future. Having cancer forces you to re-think, re-group and re-plan your priorities. I haven't come to any major epiphanies just yet. I know the Lord is at work and preparing me for opportunities to share my story and to encourage others struggling with life's harsh unfair realities. I have grounded myself in the Word and I will not be moved. The storms and seasons blow in and blow out. But I choose to sink my roots down deeper and cling to the only source of real Joy. I am reminded again of the words in my favorite Psalm written by Asaph, King David's worship leader: