Sunday, April 1, 2012


So you may have noticed that I have taken a break from writing.  I know shocking.  It's just this adjustment period of figuring out my life now.  Everything centered around chemo and getting better.  All my efforts were somehow tired to that theme.  Now I have freedom from the subjection of harsh poison drugs flowing through my veins.  Honestly it has been a harder adjustment that I thought it would be.  Great anticipation has been built up for the day I would be finished with treatments.  It arrived rather uneventfully and the days now seem to blend together like watercolors. Everyday during chemo treatments I counted.  I counted how many days since last treatment to how many days till my next treatment.  I waited for lab results.  Painstakingly waited.  I know what it means to wait on the Lord.

For me there has been this huge let down of emotions after the climax of completing my chemo treatments.   Time is ticking away...I can hardly believe it has been two months since my last chemo treatment.  Everyday I am feeling better and stronger.  I am gaining endurance and strength  has returned. My year off sabbatical has come to an end! I am trying to balance my responsibilities and gauging my level of strength.  Not easy to do.  Everyone keeps telling me how great I look.  My hair is growing and is much darker than before chemo.  My weight has bounced back and I am content with where it sits now.  Daily I struggle with food and how my body reacts to what I put inside the tank.  It's a game of cat and mouse.  Some days are better than others.  I have been juicing and making fruit/veggie smoothies to eat.  These are super delicious and loaded with vitamins, minerals and fiber.  This approach is a lifestyle change that I am openly embracing. 

I don't want to forget the places this journey with cancer has taken me.  I don't want to waste the opportunities that surround me to share my story.  Yet with wisdom perched on my shoulder I know my limits and when it is wise to unplug.  So that is what I have done these last two months.  I have not checked email, Facebook and my blog as frequently.  I have focused my time and energy on getting  stronger and healthier each day.  I have focused on my family and their needs.  We are all learning as a family what I am capable of doing now.

I am eager to get working outside in the garden and around the house.  I have a long list of to-dos!  The weather is slowly warming up and the weeds are growing like crazy.  The tulips are rising tall out of the ground as they seek more sunlight.  Buds are emerging on trees and the hay fields are turning bright green. Seasons do change.  So it is for me, the seasons of this last year filled with diagnosis, waiting, surgery, more waiting and then chemo.  It only lasted for a season. 

"For everything there is a season, 
a time for every activity under heaven." 
Ecclesiastes 3:1

I have spent a lot of time just pondering the deep things of life.  Things like dreams, hopes and goals for the future. Having cancer forces you to re-think, re-group and re-plan your priorities.  I haven't come to any major epiphanies just yet.  I know the Lord is at work and preparing me for opportunities to share my story and to encourage others struggling with life's harsh unfair realities.  I have grounded myself in the Word and I will not be moved.  The storms and seasons blow in and blow out.  But I choose to sink my roots down deeper and cling to the only source of real Joy.  I am reminded again of the words in my favorite Psalm written by Asaph, King David's worship leader:

 "My health may fail, and my spirit may grow weak, but God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever...But as for me, how good it is to be near God!  I have made the Sovereign Lord my shelter, and I will tell everyone about the wonderful things you do." 
Psalm 73: 26,28. 

1 comment:

  1. Good for you for taking a break. The most amazing things are birthed from being still, releasing our own expectations and knowing that He is God! I know you have amazing things ahead of you! I pray you find joy and fulfillment in every moment of your journey. Love you!


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