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Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Waiting Game

Here we go again...one more week of waiting.  The nurse told me it's like getting a vacation -- skipping a week of chemo gives the body a rest.  Apparently I needed a week off.  My platelet count is too low to receive chemo so wait till next week.  My levels last week were at 63 K/UL.  Normal range is 140/440 K/UL.  Yesterday I was at 81 K/UL.  So my body is making more platelets. Turn over time for new platelets is 5 - 9 days.  It is one of those things that just takes the body time to regenerate new ones.  Platelets are produced in blood cell formation in the bone marrow.  This is similar to white blood cell formation.  The platelets job is to aid in coagulation (blood clotting).  The white blood cells are important for immune system tasks.  At any rate the chemo poison is doing it's job -- killing all the bad along with the good.  The nurse told me no bull riding or jumping out of a plane for the week...haha! Basically if I get a bruise or a small cut or for that matter a large cut I could bleed a lot and not stop...it would require a trip to the ER.  The nurse also said you may bleed more while flossing your teeth so don't do that now...(don't tell your dentist I said this!)  Some of the nurses are very funny in light of the line of work they do.  They are amazing.

More waiting and trusting in the Lord...seems to be a common theme in my life right now.  As I wait I am pondering more and more.  I've been taking little cat naps through out the day. Resting my weary body.  I don't feel bad, maybe a little tired but on the outside things look good.  It's the inside that is a mess.  Isn't this how God looks at man?  God says I look at the heart.  So I examine my heart. Pretty on the outside does not count in God's book.  Those stubborn pharisees got a lesson about the condition of their hearts - their own outside appearance seemed clean, like a whitewashed tomb.  But their hearts were filthy as blood stained rags on the inside. (Matthew23:27) I guess on the inside right now things are just a mess. My blood levels are low, abnormal.  Chemo just makes things be abnormally low and off the chart.  The only thing I can do is wait.  Wait for the great Physician to heal, mend and clean up the mess.  Just like He does to my broken messed up heart on the inside.  It's a dirty job, but He does it because He loves me so much.  I come desperate for cleansing.  Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit with in me. (Psalm 51:10) He lives to take away my shame.  He is able. He is alive.  He restores me.  He hears my prayers.  It is in the waiting that strength is renewed.  He gives strength to the weary as they hope in Him.  Isaiah 40:31 "They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; They shall mount up on wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they walk and not faint."  So the secret to my waiting is located in my Hope in a faithful God.  A God who promises me abundant blessings, who will never leave me or forsake me.

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