Please read Hebrews Chapter 12
"For the Lord disciplines those he loves...God's discipline is always good for us, so that we might share in his holiness." Hebrews 12: 6;10
I am super happy to report that round eight of chemo is complete! Only four more treatments left and I will be done! This is very good news. The end it almost here. I am so very ready to be done with this! I just need a bit more endurance to finish this leg of the race. This is what I have been pondering the last few days: endurance. Finding strength to push through the nausea, aches & pains one more moment at a time. It's been said that God won't give us too much to handle. I have to disagree with this statement. He always gives us too much to handle. It's during these moments when life seems to heavy to bear, which direction to turn or how a situation can look so bad turn around, that His strength wells up within us to overcome. The faithful before us (prophets) are examples to this principle. Their weakness was turned to strength. (Hebrews 11:34)
What is divine discipline? Is it cancer? Is it chemotherapy for my physical body as well as my spiritual heart? Is it this road I am traveling on? The Word says that God's discipline is always good. So then cancer is good? A gift. It's painful now while it is happening to me day to day. My physical flesh struggles to overcome chemical poison and my mind reals to capture my thoughts and make them obedient to Him alone, not wanting to believe the lies and tricks being played out before me. There will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way. (Hebrews 12:11) What is a peaceful harvest of right living? What does this look like? How do I know if I am trained? More pondering is necessary. I sip more of my tea and just sit. Be still and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10) The only sound is the dishwasher humming and a dog snoring loud by my side. When is the afterward? Is it when I am done with chemotherapy? Is it when I am given those glorious words: remission. Is it time? But wait, time is irrelevant to Almighty Sovereign God. He is time. So how do I reach this peaceful state? Is it heaven? Maybe that's it and I can't achieve this righteous peace because it isn't meant for this side of glory. I will continue to ponder. Yes I will store up my treasures in heaven and these nuggets of truth in my heart. Let more barns be filled with blessings. (Malachi 3:10) I type the words on the computer screen and more blessings appear. My cup runs over. My jars of tears are many. (Psalm 56:8) Some are tears of pain and sorrow but these days they are joyful drops from heaven. I wonder if someday I will get a tour in heaven of these storehouses. The tear jar room and the scrolls of remembrance (Malachi 3:16) for all the times I have prayed with so many of my sweet sisters and God recorded the act. Are there rooms filled with these items waiting for me? Maybe this is part of the righteous peace; the hope tucked away inside of my heart. The hope of glory. (Colossians 1:27) This is producing in me the joy of the Lord, which is my strength. God literally comes and fills my cup with all joy and peace as I trust in Him so that I bubble over with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Nehemiah 8:10 and Romans 15:13) He delights in giving and in my pleasure of receiving; they flow together in perfect harmony. It's just so hard. Jesus said it wouldn't be trouble free. (Matthew 6:34)
Farmers have great endurance: faith. In the spring they work the ground and prepare it for seeds. The ground is fertilized and the seeds go down under the soil. The waiting begins. This is when a tiny corn seed figures out which direction is up towards the sun and a tiny shoot emerges out of clumps of soil. The roots shoot down in search of water and nutrients and leaves open drinking in the sunlight. It takes time for the stalk to develop. Along the way tassels develop in preparation for the silks to appear for pollination. The whole process is actually very complex. It all evolves from one tiny seed, amazing! Soon an ear of corn emerges and the corn kernels continue to mature. The average number of days to maturity for corn is 125 days (about 4 months) with some hybrid varieties being shorter in the number of days. I say all of this because we have grown grain corn this year on our farm. We are eagerly waiting for the harvest. The moisture level in the corn husk has to be around 14% in order to combine and haul. This is where I have made the connection to having endurance to finish out my chemo to growing corn. It takes patience as a farmer to watch each individual step as the corn grows. In the end the farmer is waiting for his harvest. The sound of the combine chopping and the trucks leaving with bushels of corn. For me I am waiting for this harvest of righteousness. Both require endurance.